Diary - Last night, I talked about my former colleague

[Maybo]

This is an entry from my diary. Please check it and correct any mistakes.

Last night, I talked about my former colleague John's death with another former colleague Lily. She said life is unpredictable. Her dad got lung cancer two years ago. Recently, his doctor said he can't be cured because the cancer's become terminal, and therefore the doctor's referred him to palliative care. Lily must be very upset. She hopes that she can spend more time with her dad in the last journey of his life.

 

[teechar]

Put a comma after "therefore", and change the word "journey".

 

[Maybo]

Last night, I talked about my former colleague John's death with another former colleague Lily. She said life is unpredictable. Her dad got lung cancer two years ago. Recently, his doctor said he can't be cured because the cancer's become terminal, and therefore, the doctor's referred him to palliative care. Lily must be very upset. She hopes that she can spend more time with her dad in the last part of his life.

 

[tedmc]

I prefer "had/was diagnosed with lung cancer" to "got lung cancer", and "last stage of his life".

 

[teechar]

in the last part of his life.

last stage of his life".

No. Say "the last days of his life".

 

[Tarheel]

Your diary already knows those important details about John. Perhaps: "Last night I talked to Lily (another former colleague) about John's death."

When you try to put too much into a sentence it gets messy.

I rather like "the last journey of his life". (It's rather poetic.) (The other suggestions are good too.)

 

[emsr2d2]

I prefer "had/was diagnosed with lung cancer" to "got lung cancer", and "last stage of his life".

Note that "was diagnosed with lung cancer two years ago" works, but "had lung cancer two years ago" suggests that he doesn't have it anymore. That isn't the case.
In BrE, "got lung cancer two years ago" works fine.

 

[Maybo]

I talked to Lily (another former colleague) about John's death

What's the difference between "I talked to Lily about John's death" and "I talked about John's death with Lily"?

 

[emsr2d2]

I can't speak for other variants but in BrE:
1. The word order of the first is more common than the second.
2. We're much more likely to use "talk to" than "talk with".

 

[Tarheel]

What's the difference between "I talked to Lily about John's death" and "I talked about John's death with Lily"?

No difference.