hardyweineberg
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This is my IELTS task 2 essay, and I have a few questions.
An essential and unavoidable part of life is making choices. Although some feel that giving children the freedom to make their own choices in everyday situations can make them self-centred, others and I argue that this is crucial. In this essay, I will examine both ideas as well as my opinion.
According to some, children have an innate tendency to think solely about their own desires, so allowing them to make their own choices can increase the likelihood of them growing up to be self-centred. To support this claim, supporters of this idea point to the fact that when primary school students are given the power to choose what movies the entire class, including them, should watch on special occasions, they usually fail to consider what movies their peers love; if this power is not taken away from them, they may become accustomed to this way of life, eventually growing up to become individuals who are not concerned about what their classmates want.
Others, myself included, however, think that as children can improve their analytical skills by making their own choices, it is crucial that society let them do this. This is not surprising, given that in the process of deciding what food to eat and which clothes to wear, children are evaluating the potential benefits and disadvantages of their decisions, thereby improving their ability to analyse different situations, a skill that can help them not only academically, but also personally. For example, after my father told me to pick which sweater to wear in the rain, I gained an insight into the factors to consider when making such a difficult decision.
In conclusion, some feel that if allowed to make their choices, children can become selfish, but others as well as I argue that it is extremely important for children to be allowed to do this; this is because it enhances their analytical skills.
1) Are "self-centred individuals" and "selfish individuals" synonyms for "individuals who only think about their own wishes"?
2) Is it right to use the word "power" in that context?
3) Should I put a comma before "given that"?
4) Did I use the phrase "in the process of" correctly?
5) Is the last highlighted sentence grammatical? I reduced the first clause.
An essential and unavoidable part of life is making choices. Although some feel that giving children the freedom to make their own choices in everyday situations can make them self-centred, others and I argue that this is crucial. In this essay, I will examine both ideas as well as my opinion.
According to some, children have an innate tendency to think solely about their own desires, so allowing them to make their own choices can increase the likelihood of them growing up to be self-centred. To support this claim, supporters of this idea point to the fact that when primary school students are given the power to choose what movies the entire class, including them, should watch on special occasions, they usually fail to consider what movies their peers love; if this power is not taken away from them, they may become accustomed to this way of life, eventually growing up to become individuals who are not concerned about what their classmates want.
Others, myself included, however, think that as children can improve their analytical skills by making their own choices, it is crucial that society let them do this. This is not surprising, given that in the process of deciding what food to eat and which clothes to wear, children are evaluating the potential benefits and disadvantages of their decisions, thereby improving their ability to analyse different situations, a skill that can help them not only academically, but also personally. For example, after my father told me to pick which sweater to wear in the rain, I gained an insight into the factors to consider when making such a difficult decision.
In conclusion, some feel that if allowed to make their choices, children can become selfish, but others as well as I argue that it is extremely important for children to be allowed to do this; this is because it enhances their analytical skills.
1) Are "self-centred individuals" and "selfish individuals" synonyms for "individuals who only think about their own wishes"?
2) Is it right to use the word "power" in that context?
3) Should I put a comma before "given that"?
4) Did I use the phrase "in the process of" correctly?
5) Is the last highlighted sentence grammatical? I reduced the first clause.