"Visiting Australia for holiday was more common among those in China and New Zealand, with just below 700,000..."

[hardyweineberg]

This is a paragraph from my ielts essay, and I have a few questions.
Visiting Australia for holiday was more common among those in China and New Zealand, with just below 700,000 Chinese visitors--the highest figure--and just below 500,000 New Zealanders going for this reason.
While the number of New Zealanders who visited for business was almost the same as the number who came to see their family, at above 400,000 each, in China, way more people visited for business reasons (400,000) than for family reasons or reasons relating to their friends (300,000).

1) Is my use of "among" grammatical?

2) Is "going" correct in this context?

3) Did I use the appositive "the highest number" in a grammatical way?

4) Did I use those brackets grammatically in the 2nd sentence

 

[emsr2d2]

If you're going to take the IELTS exam, you should at least capitalise it correctly.

 

[jutfrank]

1. No, 'was more common among those in China' isn't quite right. You seem to mean to talk about the purpose of travel, so you should say something along the lines of 'was (a more) common (reason) for people in China and New Zealand than ...'

2. It's fine.

3. It's okay, yes.

4. It's okay, yes.

 

[teechar]

You should try to post the whole essay (if you have finished it) instead of fragments/individual sentences.

 

[hardyweineberg]

You should try to post the whole essay (if you have finished it) instead of fragments/individual sentences.

That is the essay below. At first, I just wrote a paragraph instead of writing a complete essay.

The bar chart illustrates the number of arrivals to Australia from five countries in 2017 and the reasons for the arrivals.

Overall, it is clear that the highest number of visitor came from New Zealand and China, while the lowest came from Japan. Additionally, visiting for holiday was generally most common reason.

Visiting Australia for holiday was more common among those in China and New Zealand, with just below 700,000 Chinese visitors--the highest figure--and just below 500,000 New Zealanders going for this reason. While the number of New Zealanders who visited for business was almost the same as the number who came to see their family, at above 400,000 each, in China, far more people visited for business reasons (400,000) than for family reasons or reasons relating to their friends (300,000).

Japan, the USA, and the UK had lower figures. Just around 50,000 Japanese went there to see their family and friends, considerably less than the number of Americans (200,000) and that of UK people (300,000) who visited for this reason. Lastly, 200,000 UK people visited for business, and just slightly higher than this number went for holiday.

 

[Rover_KE]

'... visiting Australia for holidays ...'

'... more than this number went for holidays.'

 

[Tarheel]

slightly more than this number ....

 

[Tarheel]

Perhaps:

Visiting China was most common among the Chinese and New Zealanders ....

 

[5jj]

1. No, 'was more common among those in China' isn't quite right.

It seems fine to me.

 

[teechar]

The bar chart illustrates the number of arrivals to Australia from five countries in 2017, and the reasons for visiting that country. the arrivals.

Overall, it is clear that the highest number of visitors came from New Zealand and China, while the lowest came from Japan. Additionally, visiting for holiday was generally the most common reason.

Visiting Australia for holiday was more common among those in Holidaying was the foremost reason for visitors from China (almost 700,000) and New Zealand (just under half a million). with just below 700,000 Chinese visitors--the highest figure--and just below 500,000 New Zealanders going for this reason. Moreover, while the number of New Zealanders who visited for business was almost the same as the number who came to see their family, at above just over 400,000 each, in China, far more Chinese people visited for business reasons (400,000) than for family reasons or reasons relating to see their friends or family (300,000).

Japan, the USA, and the UK had lower figures. Just Around 50,000 Japanese people went there to see their family and friends, considerably less fewer than the number of Americans (200,000) and that of those from the UK people (300,000). who visited for this reason. Lastly, 200,000 people from the UK people visited for business, and just slightly higher than this number went for holiday.