The villa they rented overlooked the pier.

[alpacinou]

Is this correct and natural?

The villa they rented overlooked the pier. Jane looked out the window, finding a coffee shop there. A soft music drifted from the almost empty place. Putting on her jacket, she descended the stairs and strode towards the cafe. The sky was overcast, but the moon occasionally broke through the clouds, casting the pier with a silvery glow.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

Is this correct and natural?

The villa they rented overlooked the pier. Jane looked out the window, finding a coffee shop there. Soft music drifted from the almost empty place. Putting on her jacket, she descended the stairs and strode towards the cafe. The sky was overcast, but the moon occasionally broke through the clouds, casting [STRIKE]the pier with[/STRIKE] a silvery glow on the pier.

Now it is.

 

[emsr2d2]

I don't like "Jane looked out the window, finding a coffee shop there" at all. Do you just mean that she could see a coffee shop from the window?

 

[alpacinou]

I don't like "Jane looked out the window, finding a coffee shop there" at all. Do you just mean that she could see a coffee shop from the window?

Okay. So I changed it to this:

The villa they rented overlooked the pier. Jane looked out the window, at a coffee shop down there. Soft music drifted from the almost empty place. Putting on her jacket, she descended the stairs and strode towards the cafe. The sky was overcast, but the moon occasionally broke through the clouds, casting a silvery glow on the pier.

 

[emsr2d2]

Is the café on the pier?

 

[alpacinou]

Is the café on the pier?

Yes.