The city and the survival instinct

[alpacinou]

Hello.

Are these sentences I have written correct and natural? Which version do you like better?

This is a cruel city. The only instinct that survives after living in this city is the survival instinct.

The only instinct that survives after living in this city is the survival instinct. This city obliterates all your other instincts.

Do you have suggestions to make them better?

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

I like the first sentences better.

 

[alpacinou]

I like the first sentences better.

Is it a good sentence to use in a story?

 

[Tarheel]

It could be. But note that humans don't have instincts (except possibly the survival instinct).

 

[Tarheel]

What instincts do you think they have?

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

It could be. But note that humans don't have instincts (except possibly the survival instinct).

Speak for yourself! I'm a seething cauldron of instincts. Some are indistinct, and some stink. But without them, I'd extinct!

 

[alpacinou]

Is this a good sentence?

This is a cruel city. The only instinct that survives after living in this city is the survival instinct.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

Is this a good pair of sentences?

This is a cruel city. The only instinct that survives after living in this city is the survival instinct.

It's good. Play around with it some more.* Tighter is stronger.

------------------

*I had a teacher who studied under Raymond Carver, one of the writers I recommended.** When he thought something needed just a little more work, he'd say, "Run it through the typewriter one more time."

------------------

** Which reminds me, here's a great little Carver story. Notice how little ink goes into description. (How big is the house? How old is the car? What color is anyone's hair? Does it matter? What does matter?): Cathedral