I watched a documentary on an Indian actor. Who was active in 60's and 70's.

[tufguy]

I watched a documentary on an Indian actor. Who was active in 60's and 70's. He was a very very good actor. But he died at an early age. He died at an age of 47. He hadn't married anyone although he wanted to. He lead a secluded life. When I watched this documentary on him then I came to know why had he done that. It is said that in his entire family no male lived past the age of 50. And there was one more interesting thing that whenever a boy reached at the age of ten his father died the same year (in his family). This had been happening for a long time and this kept him from marrying anyone. Don't know it was a curse or what.

Please check my sentences.

 

[emsr2d2]

I watched a documentary on an Indian actor. Who was active in 60's and 70's. He was a very very good actor. But he died at an early age. He died at an age of 47.

You are still splitting sentences in the wrong place. All the information above should be made into two sentences. Why don't you try to rewrite just that part first?

(Another hint: You have missed one article completely and you have used an indefinite article where you should have used the definite article.)

 

[tufguy]

You are still splitting sentences in the wrong place. All the information above should be made into two sentences. Why don't you try to rewrite just that part first?

(Another hint: You have missed one article completely and you have used an indefinite article where you should have used the definite article.)

I watched a documentary on an Indian actor who was active in 60's and 70's. He was a very good actor but he died at an early age. He died at an age of 47.

 

[emsr2d2]

I watched a documentary on an Indian actor who was active in ​the 60's and 70's. He was a very good actor but he died at [STRIKE]an[/STRIKE] the early age of 47. [STRIKE]He died at an age of 47. [/STRIKE]

See above.

You're not concentrating again, tufguy. I told you that the part I quoted should be condensed into two sentences. You posted three sentences. I also suggested that you just rewrite that part so we could work on it yet you posted the entire paragraph again. I have deleted the rest of it in post #3. We are not going to move on to the rest of your paragraph until the two sentences in this post have been dealt with and you understand the corrections.

 

[tufguy]

See above.

You're not concentrating again, tufguy. I told you that the part I quoted should be condensed into two sentences. You posted three sentences. I also suggested that you just rewrite that part so we could work on it yet you posted the entire paragraph again. I have deleted the rest of it in post #3. We are not going to move on to the rest of your paragraph until the two sentences in this post have been dealt with and you understand the corrections.

I thought you were talking about the first two sentences.

 

[emsr2d2]

I watched a documentary on an Indian actor. Who was active in 60's and 70's. He was a very very good actor. But he died at an early age. He died at an age of 47.

I watched a documentary on an Indian actor who was active in ​the 60's and 70's. He was a very good actor but he died at anthe early age of 47. He died at an age of 47.

You're not concentrating again, tufguy. I told you that the part I quoted should be condensed into two sentences. You posted three sentences. I also suggested that you just rewrite that part so we could work on it yet you posted the entire paragraph again. I have deleted the rest of it in post #3. We are not going to move on to the rest of your paragraph until the two sentences in this post have been dealt with and you understand the corrections.

Please re-read the very last sentence of the second quote box above. I clearly told you that we would not move on to the rest of your post until the first few sentences had been thoroughly dealt with and we are sure you understand the corrections. You have made no indication that you understand why I made the corrections I did, yet you posted the rest of your paragraph (which I have deleted)!

So, please tell us why you think I turned "I watched a documentary on an Indian actor. Who was active in 60's and 70's. He was a very very good actor. But he died at an early age. He died at an age of 47" into "I watched a documentary on an Indian actor who was active in ​the 60's and 70's. He was a very good actor but he died at anthe early age of 47. He died at an age of 47."

 

[tufguy]

Please re-read the very last sentence of the second quote box above. I clearly told you that we would not move on to the rest of your post until the first few sentences had been thoroughly dealt with and we are sure you understand the corrections. You have made no indication that you understand why I made the corrections I did, yet you posted the rest of your paragraph (which I have deleted)!

So, please tell us why you think I turned "I watched a documentary on an Indian actor. Who was active in 60's and 70's. He was a very very good actor. But he died at an early age. He died at an age of 47" into "I watched a documentary on an Indian actor who was active in ​the 60's and 70's. He was a very good actor but he died at anthe early age of 47. He died at an age of 47."

Yes, I got your corrections that is why I tried amending other sentences. There were five short sentences and you merged them in two sentences.

 

[GoesStation]

I watched a documentary on an Indian actor who was active in 60's and 70's. He was a very good actor but he died at an early age. He died at an age of 47.

You should combine the second and third sentences into a single sentence. Review the bit in post #2 where ems discusses articles.

 

[emsr2d2]

Yes, I got your corrections that is why I tried amending other sentences. There were five short sentences and you merged them in two sentences.

I didn't ask you whether you got them. I asked you to tell us why you think I made those changes. I want you to show us that you actually understand why my version is better than yours.

 

[tufguy]

I didn't ask you whether you got them. I asked you to tell us why you think I made those changes. I want you to show us that you actually understand why my version is better than yours.

Your version has lesser words. You removed the redundant words.

 

[emsr2d2]

Your version has [STRIKE]lesser[/STRIKE] fewer words. You removed the redundant words.

I did. However, do you understand why "Who was active in 60s and 70s" was wrong?

 

[tufguy]

I did. However, do you understand why "Who was active in 60s and 70s" was wrong?

Because we have already specified who we are talking about. Besides it is a question as well. Am I correct?

 

[emsr2d2]

No. Neither of those is the reason. You posted five sentences at the start and I told you to condense them into two sentences. I didn't just do that so you used fewer words.

Let's try again. Do you think that "Who was active in 60s and 70s" (with a capital letter at the beginning and a full stop at the end) is a grammatically correct sentence? Forget about it being a question. It was not a question in your original paragraph and you didn't want it to be a question.

 

[tufguy]

No. Neither of those is the reason. You posted five sentences at the start and I told you to condense them into two sentences. I didn't just do that so you used fewer words.

Let's try again. Do you think that "Who was active in 60s and 70s" (with a capital letter at the beginning and a full stop at the end) is a grammatically correct sentence? Forget about it being a question. It was not a question in your original paragraph and you didn't want it to be a question.

It shouldn't have been a stand alone sentence. It should have been the part of a bigger sentence. Am I correct?

Please help.

 

[emsr2d2]

Yes!

 

[tufguy]

Yes!

I watched a documentary on an Indian actor who was active in ​the 60's and 70's. He was a very good actor but he died at the early age of 47. He hadn't married anyone although he wanted to. He lead a secluded life. When I watched this documentary on him then I came to know why he had done that. It is said that in his entire family no male lived past the age of 50. There was one more interesting thing that whenever a boy reached at the age of ten his father died the same year (in his family). This had been happening for a long time and this kept him from marrying anyone. I don't know whether it was a curse or what.

Please check my sentences now.

 

[emsr2d2]

He hadn't married anyone although he wanted to. :tick: (You can remove the word "anyone" with no loss of meaning.)

He lead a secluded life. "Lead" is not the simple past form of "lead".

OK, so we've dealt with your paragraph up to the words "age of 47". See my comments above regarding the next two sentences.

 

[Tarheel]

He led a secluded life.

 

[emsr2d2]

Lucky you, tufguy. You've been handed the correction on a plate.

 

[tufguy]

Lucky you, tufguy. You've been handed the correction on a plate.

He hadn't married although he wanted to. He led a secluded life.