Diary - One day, I went to my friend Jenny's home.

[Maybo]

This is an entry from my diary. Please check it and correct any mistakes.

One day, I went to my friend Jenny's home. When I left, she told me about her mum's family. She said many members in her mother side has the ability of psychic. Once when they were playing mahjong, a fox head stuck out of a wall, near one of the members. He gripped its snoot immediately. Another member stopped him and said, "Don't play! Release it!" My friend said that was a fox spirit but it was higher level than a spirit. Maybe some kind of a fairy. After hearing all the stories Jenny had been telling me, I started to believe many folklores could be true.

 

[Tarheel]

I'm confused about the second sentence. You say she told you that after you left. What do you mean by that? Did she not tell you that stuff while you were there? I can only guess what that means.

I would say many members of her mum's family are psychic.

 

[Maybo]

I'm confused about the second sentence. You say she told you that after you left. What do you mean by that? Did she not tell you that stuff while you were there? I can only guess what that means.

She accompanied me to the bus stop after I left her home. She told me the story during the walk.

 

[emsr2d2]

She accompanied me to the bus stop after I left her home. She told me the story during the walk.

How were we supposed to work that out from your original text? We're not psychic!

 

[emsr2d2]

One day, I went to my friend Jenny's home.

This is actually completely irrelevant to the story.

When I left, she One day, my friend Jenny told me about her mum's family.

We don't need to know that you went to her house or that she then went with you to the bus stop. The opening above is sufficient.

She said many members people in on her mother's side has the ability of have psychic abilities.

See above.

Once, when they were playing mahjong, a fox's head stuck out of [suddenly] appeared through a wall, near one of the members players.

Who does "they" refer to? It can't refer to all the people on her mum's side of the family!

He immediately gripped its snout. immediately.

It would help to know who "he" is. We don't know if it's the person described as "one of the players" in the previous sentence or someone else in the room.

Another member Someone [else] stopped him and said, "Don't play with it! Release it!"

See above. It would be more natural to say "Let [it] go!"

My friend said that it was a fox spirit but it was higher level than a spirit.

Is this friend Jenny? If so, you should use her name instead. Her statement is very confusing. In one breath she tells you it's the spirit of a fox and in the next she says it's something "higher" than a spirit. Which is it?

Maybe She said it could have been some kind of a (no article here) fairy.

See above.

After hearing all the stories Jenny's had been telling told me, I've started to believe that many folklores a lot of folklore (uncountable) could be true have some basis in truth.

See above.

 

[Maybo]

Her statement is very confusing. In one breath she tells you it's the spirit of a fox and in the next she says it's something "higher" than a spirit.

I guess she's not sure about it. In some Chinese stories, the lowest level of something is spirit. If it works hard to train itself (I don't know how they train. I can't find an English word for it), they will grow into a higher level of an entity (monster, fairy, god...). Maybe the fox was between a spirit and fairy.

 

[Maybo]

Who does "they" refer to?

Some of Jenny's mum's family members.

 

[Tarheel]

That's some weird stuff.

 

[emsr2d2]

No offence intended, but it's quite hard to follow/correct some of your recent writing because most of us are from cultures that don't really believe in fairies, spirits, psychic abilities, ghosts etc so it's not easy for us to suggest the "correct" terminology. Do you really need to explain all this stuff to people in English in your daily life? If not, it might be better for you to concentrate on topics you are actually going to need to discuss in English.

 

[Tarheel]

@Maybo You are writing about something somebody told you, and that story is something somebody told them.