Diary - On the day I went to my friend Jenny's home

[Maybo]

This is an entry from my diary. Please check it and correct any mistakes.

On the day I went to my friend Jenny's home, she introduced me to her neighbourhood. When coming through her estate, she told me which buildings have more spirits and said her mum asked her to avoid going there. Her mum once went to her friend's home to play mahjong and saw a lot of spirits in her estate. It seems that they are everywhere so my friend asked me not to worry much.

 

[tedmc]

On the day (1) I went to my friend Jenny's home apartment (2) one day, and she introduced me to her neighbourhood. When coming we were going through her housing (3) estate, she told me which buildings have more spirits (4) were haunted and said her mum asked told her to avoid going there (5) to those places. Her mum once went to her friend's home apartment to play mahjong and saw a lot of spirits (6) in her estate. It seems that they are everywhere, so my friend asked told me not to worry so much.

1. When you start the sentence with "on the day", the focus is on that particular day. I don't think that's what you meant. You didn't even state what day that was. Your focus is on what happened rather than when it happened.

2. "Home" is rather vague. House/apartment (the norm in HK) is more specific.

3. "Estate" could mean many other things, other than buildings (including properties, physical or non-physical), though in Hong Kong, it refers to high-rise, high-density housing estates.

4. "Buildings have spirits" sounds like a literal translation from Chinese. It sounds very strange in English. The spirits you mean are non-physical things, paranormal entities which most normal people have not encountered. It is more common to say a place is haunted, without direct reference to the "invisible occupants".

5. "There" in "going there" is singular, which is not what you mean.

6. Same comment as in #4.

 

[Tarheel]

Try:

I went to my friend Jenny's house, and she showed me around the neighborhood.

Of course, you can substitute "apartment" for "house" there.

The belief in spirits seems to be more prevalent in China than in some places. And, indeed, within China itself attitudes seem to vary quite a bit from person to person. Your friend Jenny's attitude can, I think, be summed up thus: "Yes, they're all around, but it's no big deal. It's nothing to worry about."

 

[tedmc]

@Tarheel
What would you call "them"? Spirits?

 

[emsr2d2]

@Tarheel
What would you call "them"? Spirits?

What was it in Tarheel's post that made you think they wouldn't call them "spirits"?

 

[emsr2d2]

On the day One day, I went to my friend Jenny's home house/flat/apartment and she introduced showed me round to her neighbourhood. When coming we were walking through her estate, she told me which buildings have more the most spirits and said her mum asked her to avoid going there to those buildings.
Her mum once went to her a friend's home to play mahjong and saw a lot of spirits in her on the/that estate.
It seems that they spirits are everywhere so my friend asked told me not to worry much.