A young man's life...

[emsr2d2]

I’m extremely sorry, I didn’t know [STRIKE]a[/STRIKE] that a single word (haunted) [STRIKE]can[/STRIKE] could change the whole story and the understanding. First of all, this is not a ghost story (please see below for further understanding of the story). It should be "hunted" instead of "haunted". Based on my knowledge, the word “nightmare” can apply [STRIKE]for[/STRIKE] to any[STRIKE]thing that[/STRIKE] [STRIKE]narrates to[/STRIKE] unpleasant experience. Am I right? So that’s the reason [STRIKE]why[/STRIKE] I used the word “nightmare” in my sentence. After all the comments, [STRIKE]now[/STRIKE] I now feel my summary (no comma here) [STRIKE]it[/STRIKE] can be quite confusing for a reader.

Description:
[STRIKE]When[/STRIKE] A young man plans for a bike long trip along with Leela, a friend of his sister.

he falls in love with her actually. (When does he fall in love with her? Before the trip? During the trip?)

During the journey, they meet with a terrible accident in which he [STRIKE]injures and[/STRIKE] breaks his shoulder.

[STRIKE]at[/STRIKE] On the same day, Leela’s parents [STRIKE]were[/STRIKE] ​are injured and it looks as if her father [STRIKE]doesn't seem to get alive[/STRIKE] won't survive.

[STRIKE]Thus,[/STRIKE] [STRIKE]they[/STRIKE] [Man's name] and Leela [STRIKE]feel something was wrong and that wasn't an accident.[/STRIKE] don't believe this is a coincidence.

They [STRIKE]come to know[/STRIKE] later find out that it was a plan to kill Leela, and [STRIKE]he[/STRIKE] [man's name] decides to save Leela and [STRIKE]his[/STRIKE] her family.

[STRIKE]Basically[/STRIKE] This is the basic story.

[STRIKE]Basically,[/STRIKE]I don't want to mention that they meet with an accident in the summary. [STRIKE]I guess it won't be that thrill to speak out the real incidents.[/STRIKE] I think that would spoil the surprise.

Let me know if you have any concerns. Thank you.

See my corrections above. Thanks for clarifying that you meant "hunted", not "haunted". That doesn't change my original corrections though, other than the fact that I would have changed "haunted" to "hunted" had I known that was the case.

 

[Tarheel]

Gaya, there is no need to apologize. That's what we're here for is to help people with that kind of stuff. (What you can do is thank Ems for the great job she did.)

Now, let's talk about "actually" and "basically". Believe it or not, you can go for years without using either word. What you don't need to do is use "basically" twice in one paragraph.

That's all for now.

 

[Gaya87]

See my corrections above. Thanks for clarifying that you meant "hunted", not "haunted". That doesn't change my original corrections though, other than the fact that I would have changed "haunted" to "hunted" had I known that was the case.

Thank you so much for the correction, teacher. I will correct my mistakes and rewrite another long summary. By the way, I've a question to my previous writing. What's wrong with the underlined words? I don't see any errors. Can you be more specific why those words are underlined?

A happy-go-lucky young man embarks on a road trip with the love of his life (the girl of his dreams). During the journey, they both grow closer but before they could confess their feelings to each other, life takes a terrible turn. Overnight, their lives change and things spiral out of control as they run for their life lives without a clue as to why they are being haunted. What exactly happens during their road trip? What is the cause behind of this horrible nightmare?

 

[Gaya87]

Gaya, there is no need to apologize. That's what we're here for is to help people with that kind of stuff. (What you can do is thank Ems for the great job she did.)

Now, let's talk about "actually" and "basically". Believe it or not, you can go for years without using either word. What you don't need to do is use "basically" twice in one paragraph.



That's all for now.

Well, noted on the "actually" and "basically"

 

[Gaya87]

Short summary
A young man's life is turned upside down after he embarks on a road trip with the love of his life. They have one adventure after another.

Long summary
Arjun, a young man embarks on a road trip with the love of his life, Leela, a friend of his sister. During the journey, before they could confess their feelings to each other, they meet with a terrible accident and on the same day, Leela’s parents are injured and it looks as if her father won't survive. Arjun and Leela don’t believe this is a coincidence. They later find out that it was a plan to kill Leela, and Arjun decides to save Leela and her family.

 

[Tarheel]

Long summary. First sentence.

Arjin, a young man, embarks on a road trip with the love of his life, Leela, a friend of his sister.

What change did I make to that sentence?

 

[Gaya87]

Long summary. First sentence.

Arjin, a young man, embarks on a road trip with the love of his life, Leela, a friend of his sister.

What change did I make to that sentence?

I can see there is a coma after man.

 

[emsr2d2]

I can see there is a coma after man.

That's definitely not the word you need!

 

[Gaya87]

That's definitely not the word you need!

I don't understand :-(

 

[Tarheel]

It should be comma, not coma.
;-)

 

[Tarheel]

Second sentence. Say:

During the journey, before they can confess their feelings to each other, they have a terrible accident. On the same day, Leela's parents are injured, and it looks as if her father won't survive.

I need to know what kind of an accident it was and how her parents were injured.

What did I do to the second sentence, and why?

 

[Tarheel]

Next sentences. Say:

Arjun and Leela don't believe it is a coincidence. They later find out that it was an attempt to kill Leela. Arjun decides to save Leela and her family. He decides to protect them from their would-be killers.

 

[Gaya87]

It should be comma, not coma.
;-)

OMG. I made a silly mistake :-(. Thank you for the spelling correction.

 

[Gaya87]

Second sentence. Say:

During the journey, before they can confess their feelings to each other, they have a terrible accident. On the same day, Leela's parents are injured, and it looks as if her father won't survive.

I need to know what kind of an accident it was and how her parents were injured.

What did I do to the second sentence, and why?

They meet with an accident by bike and at around same day Leela’s parents are attacked in Maharashtra by the politician.

 

[Tarheel]

I have never heard of meeting with an accident before.

 

[Gaya87]

I have never of meeting with an accident before.

That's a good one.

 

[Tarheel]

I edited my post to say:

I have never heard of meeting with an accident before.

We have accidents. We don't meet them.

 

[emsr2d2]

In BrE, it's perfectly natural to say that someone met with an accident.

 

[Gaya87]

In BrE, it's perfectly natural to say that someone met with an accident.

May I know what is the meaning of BrE?

 

[Rover_KE]

British English