John climbed halfway to a hill and came back down.

[tufguy]

Please check my sentences.

John climbed halfway to a hill and came back down because the hill was enormous and he didn't have energy left inside of him to go to the summit.

 

[emsr2d2]

Please check my sentences sentence.

I dream of the day that you count how many sentences you're asking us to look at and choose the correct singular/plural form in this introduction.

John climbed halfway to* a hill and came back down because the hill was enormous and he didn't have enough energy left inside of him to go to the summit.

"To" is the wrong word there. What direction do you go in when climbing towards the top of something? Try again.

 

[tufguy]

John climbed halfway up a hill and came back down because the hill was enormous and he didn't have energy left inside of him to go to the summit.

 

[emsr2d2]

Go back to post #2 and look at the second quote box. I added a word in red. Did you really not notice it? If you did, why didn't you include it in post #3?

 

[Tarheel]

I would also make it less wordy. For example, I would say I just didn't have the energy (for whatever) and leave off the rest.

 

[tufguy]

Go back to post #2 and look at the second quote box. I added a word in red. Did you really not notice it? If you did, why didn't you include it in post #3?

John climbed halfway up a hill and came back down because the hill was enormous and he didn't have enough energy left inside him to go to the summit.

 

[tufguy]

I would also make it less wordy. For example, I would say I just didn't have the energy (for whatever) and leave off the rest.

What is the difference between "inside him" and "inside of him"? Is there a difference in the meaning?

 

[Rover_KE]

Both left inside him and left inside of him are redundant, so if there's a difference we don't need to waste time discussing it.

 

[Tarheel]

@tufguy It's distance that's the issue. Suppose John was walking on a level surface and at some point he stopped to rest. You wouldn't say it's because Earth is enormous, would you?

 

[emsr2d2]

John climbed halfway up a hill and came back down because the hill was enormous and he didn't have enough energy left inside him to go to the summit.

OK, now that you've got the grammar correct, let's work on making the sentence shorter. Look at the advice the others have given you and try to write a shorter version.

 

[Skrej]

Hint: Don't bother explaining stuff readers already know. For instance, we know the energy is stored inside him. Humans don't have external batteries to draw on.

(Because, as The Matrix taught us, we ARE the battery!)

 

[Tarheel]

Of course the energy is inside us. (Where else would it be?) Nevertheless, we apparently need to be reminded of such things.

 

[tufguy]

OK, now that you've got the grammar correct, let's work on making the sentence shorter. Look at the advice the others have given you and try to write a shorter version.

John climbed halfway up a hill and came back down because he didn't have enough energy left.

 

[emsr2d2]

John climbed halfway up a hill and but came back down because he didn't have enough energy left to reach the top so came back down.