Today’s teenagers struggle with many social issues.

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Sir real

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Please help me correct this essay.

Today’s teenagers struggle with many social issues. Some people think that this is because their parents are spending more time at work than at home. Do you agree or disagree?

With the development of society, everything has changed a lot, from technology to the educational system. Along with that, there are many problems that are arising in society, affecting people not only adults but also teenagers. I partly agree with the idea that parents spending less time at home than at work is the cause of the struggle with social issues of teenagers.

First of all, when parents spend more time at work, there will be no quality time between parents and teenagers, which leads to the parent-child’s bond being weakened. This will cause teenagers to have the feeling of emotional neglect. When being emotionally neglected, the communication of teenagers and parents will be limited, teenagers may feel reluctant to consult advice and discuss their problems to their parents. Moreover, by having less conversation with parents, who spend more time at work, teenagers might have feelings such as: low self-esteem and anxiety. When social issues come up, teenagers who don't have enough confidence or self-motivation will not know how to deal with it. Secondly, there are some parents who can care for their children and balance them with work. But still, there are parents who are so dedicated to working that they don’t have much care to be a role model for their children at home. This can lead to teenagers being lacking in parental guidance and support to navigate social problems.

Not only parents are the sole factors to the teenager’s difficulty in facing social issues but there are also many community and societal factors. Teenagers can be easily influenced by peers in decision-making and how to behave, which would be risky for them when coping with social issues. Moreover, the long-time exposure to means of media and technology would negatively affect teenagers’ mental health and social skills, making them inexperienced to ever changing social problems.

In conclusion, not only busy parents are the ones affecting teenagers' struggle with social issues but societal factors are also contributing to that.
 
Hi there,
- Which test are you practising for?
- What is your target score?
- When are you planning to take the test?
 
Hi there,
- Which test are you practising for?
- What is your target score?
- When are you planning to take the test?
Hello, I wrote that essay because I am practising for Ielts and I don't really have a target nor the intention to take the test. Through this essay, I would want to know where I am in writing and improve it further.
 
Also, where did you find the essay prompt? You need to cite your source.
My teacher assigned me that essays and I think much of it was generated by my teacher
 
I've said this before. I've read many columns by professional writers, and they never use "In conclusion". However, many amateur writers do that. I'm guessing that their teacher tells them to.
 
Please help me correct this essay.

Today’s teenagers struggle with many social issues. Some people think that this is because their parents are spending more time at work than at home. Do you agree or disagree?

With the development of society,
Avoid such generic cliches.
everything has changed a lot, from technology to the educational system.
That's not on target. A good opening sentence should mention the main topic (problems that teenagers face).
I partly agree with the idea that parents spending less time at home than at because of work is the main cause of the struggle with social issues of teenagers face.
Take a look at my replies in the following links, and try to fix your introduction. Post below.

We can deal with the rest of your essay later.
 
I have redone the essay introduction!

In this day and age, there are many problems that are arising in society, affecting people not only adults but also teenagers. Youngsters have to face a lot of social issues such as bullying, pressure from school, family, peers. The teenagers’ struggle with social issues may be caused by many aspects like society, family. I partly agree with the idea that parents spending less time at home than at work is the cause of the struggle with social issues of teenagers.

First of all, when parents spend more time at work, there will be no quality time between parents and teenagers, which leads to the parent-child’s bond being weakened. This will cause teenagers to have the feeling of emotional neglect. When being emotionally neglected, the communication of teenagers and parents will be limited, teenagers may feel reluctant to consult advice and discuss their problems to their parents. Moreover, by having less conversation with parents, who spend more time at work, teenagers might have feelings such as: low self-esteem and anxiety. When social issues come up, teenagers who don't have enough confidence or self-motivation will not know how to deal with it. Secondly, there are some parents who can care for their children and balance them with work. But still, there are parents who are so dedicated to working that they don’t have much care to be a role model for their children at home. This can lead to teenagers being lacking in parental guidance and support to navigate social problems.

Not only parents are the sole factors to the teenager’s difficulty in facing social issues but there are also many community and societal factors. Teenagers can be easily influenced by peers in decision-making and how to behave, which would be risky for them when coping with social issues. Moreover, the long-time exposure to means of media and technology would negatively affect teenagers’ mental health and social skills, making them inexperienced to ever changing social problems.

In conclusion, not only busy parents are the ones affecting teenagers' struggle with social issues but societal factors are also contributing to that.
 
When do you have to submit your essay to your teacher to be marked/graded?
Maybe Thursday this week.
Our forum rules make it very clear that we do not help with homework or assignments. Any work that is going to be marked or graded must be done without any outside help. Your teacher has no interest in how well we can rewrite your essay. They want to see how good your English is!

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