Writing Practice #2

[AlexWoodz]

This is my practice #2. Please correct as much as you can.
I have a feeling that everything I have written down below sounds weird/unnatural.
Despite that, I have to keep trying.

Do athletes make too much money? (I got the question from a random page)

It's a controversial question.
Lots of people might say that they make too much money, others not enough.
Do you know how much money do athletes make?
They earn millions of dollars every year, even more.

In my opinion, when comparing the income of athletes with professions that are also important, such as doctors, teachers, or firefighters, seems extremely unfair.

I guess It's because athletes are constantly exercising to stay in shape in order to give a good performance, It may even seem like a good reason of why they make too much money, but even so, I still think It's not fair.

Even though I love baseball, soccer and all sports, the amounts of money seem wild to me.

Here is my conclusion:
It's fair until I compare it to another profession, then It's not fair.

 

[teechar]

Lots of people might say that they make too much money, others not enough.

That comma is wrong. You can fix the error by:
- changing it to a semicolon or a full stop.
... much money; others say they don't make enough.
- or by using a suitable coordinating conjunction:
... much money, but others say they don't make enough.

Do you know how much money do athletes make?
They earn millions of dollars, or even more, every year. , even more.

In my opinion, when comparing the income of athletes with how much highly skilled professions that are also important, such as doctors, teachers, or firefighters earn, seems extremely unfair.

Note that you need to compare like with like. Your original sentence was comparing "income" with "professionals".

I guess It's This is because athletes are constantly exercising to stay in shape in order to compete successfully. give a good performance,

It may even seem like a good reason of why they make too much money, but even so, I still think It's not fair.

I have no idea what that means!

Even though I love baseball, soccer and all sports, the amounts of money earned in those sports seem wild to me.

Here is my conclusion:

It's fair until I compare it to another profession, then It's not fair.

That's ungrammatical and not well expressed. Reword it.

 

[Tarheel]

What do you consider fair, and why?

Some athletes make a considerable amount of money. Others make nothing at all. (They are called "amateurs".)