would you correct my work?

[lucakun]

Hi guys!!

Here I am with a new homework. Letter of application
​

Clothes shop staff wanted
The succesfull applicant needs:
goos spoken english
an interest in clothes, including modern fashion
to be able to work long hours, including weekends


Dear Mr Williamson,

After having seen your advertisement in an English-language magazine, I would like to apply for the position of clothes assistant, since I think to have the necessary requirements.

Firstly, I speak english fluently, in fact I have been studying this language for ten years and I also spent much time in the United Kingdom where I could improved my speaking skills. Therefore I would be able to communicate and deal successfully with customers. Besides, I am really fond of clothes, I love this world and I am always informed about the latest news in this field.
Moreover in these days I am graduating in Fashion Design at university, thence this would be useful for this post.
As regards working time, I am used to working several hours in my parent's restaurant, so it would not be a problem for me, even in the weekends.

I am available for an interview at any time convenient for you.
Please find attached a copy of my curriculum vitae for your consideration.

I am looking forward to hearing from you.

 

[5jj]

You have been fortunate so far in that some of your work has been revised. However, it is the general policy of this forum that we do not help people with homework assignments. If you are unsure about the corrections that your teacher makes, we can give you our opinions on those, but your teacher wants to know what you can produce, not what we can.

 

[lucakun]

You have been fortunate so far in that some of your work has been revised. However, it is the general policy of this forum that we do not help people with homework assignments. If you are unsure about the corrections that your teacher makes, we can give you our opinions on those, but your teacher wants to know what you can produce, not what we can.

I'm studying for FCE exam on my own, nobody will correct my essays. I usually post these works just to know my mistakes.