[Essay] Wormhole 009

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rodgers white

Senior Member
Joined
Jan 17, 2016
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
Chinese
Home Country
China
Current Location
China
Hi there. Would you please proofread the following text? Any help would be appreciated.

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Later, while checking out her father’s new telescope, Penny made a suggestion. “Dad, maybe I should take a sabbatical from Uni and stay here and help you. I could learn more from you than at Uni anyway.”

Dylan almost leapt for joy at the thought. He may not have dreamed about being rich beyond measure, but he had dreamed of them being a father-daughter science team. “Penelope, you don’t know how often I’ve dreamed of just such a thing, but now is not the time.”

Penny had thought her father would jump at the idea, not back away. “Why not now, Dad; why not now?”

Dylan took a deep breath. “Two reasons. Firstly, there are things University will teach you that I might never teach you. I delayed my studies by leaving Uni on a sabbatical, and I never returned. My education is a montage of need, a patchwork, and I still have not learned everything a formal education would have taught me. If I’d completed my university studies, I’d probably have built the wormhole years ago. Secondly, your completing your education will benefit the team we already are; we will be able to teach each other.”

Penny was profoundly disappointed, but she had to admit her father was right. “OK, Dad. I’ll do it as you said, but I’m still coming here every break.”

Dylan said, “Perfect.”
 
Try:

OK, Dad! I'll do as you say.

(The shorter a sentence is the more likely it is to merit an exclamation mark.)
 
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