[General] What to reply to a funeral infomation?

[goodstudent]

A friend sms about the wake and funeral address of his parent. It was a mass sms that he sent to all of his contacts.

What is an appropriate reply?

Can I say any of these?
1) Take care.
2) Take care, if you need help let me know.



Thanks

 

[Rover_KE]

No — those are not appropriate.

Thanks for letting me know. I'll be there.

So sorry, but I'll be out of the country [or any other good excuse].

 

[goodstudent]

The message I received is something like "... has passed away. This is to inform all of you that the wake is at ...."

Why is it not appropriate to say "Take care"?

Is a no response (never reply anything) better than replying "Take care"?

I do not intend to go. I do not have any excuse (my life is predictable everyday, he knows it.), I do not wish to give excuse too.

I see some people writing "Take care" at these pages:
http://www.raneyfuneralchapel.ca/notices/JohnJack-Normand/guest-book
http://www.hannahfuneralhome.com/notices/Eileen-Hutchison/guest-book
http://www.kindersleyfuneralhome.com/notices/Daniel-Steiert/guest-book

 

[GoesStation]

Take care sounds too casual for such an occasion. You don't have to offer a real excuse; just I'm very sorry but I won't be able to make it is fine -- after the obligatory ​Thanks for letting me know.

 

[goodstudent]

Why are people saying "take care" at the links I posted above? Are they not appropriate too?

 

[GoesStation]

Why are people saying "take care" at the links I posted above? Are they not appropriate too?

I wouldn't write it, but it doesn't look inappropriate in that context. When delivering condolences, I stick to old, well-known formulas. I'm sorry for your loss​ always works.

 

[goodstudent]

Would it be OK if I do not reply?

The SMS is a mass SMS telling his contacts that his father has passed away and the wake address info.

 

[GoesStation]

Would it be OK if I do not reply?

The SMS is a mass SMS telling his contacts that his father has passed away and the wake address info.

You don't have to reply if he sent a mass SMS to every contact in his phone and you're just a casual acquaintance. I'm not sure how you would know how he selected the recipients though.

 

[goodstudent]

Is it common to go to a friends parents wake/funeral? I only know it is common for friends weddings, housewarming, baby shower.

 

[GoesStation]

Is it common to go to a friends parents wake/funeral? I only know it is common for friends weddings, housewarming, baby shower.

One purpose of a funeral is to comfort the survivors. You should only consider attending if you feel that your presence will provide comfort.

 

[Raymott]

It would also be common if you had known and respected the parent.

 

[goodstudent]

It would also be common if you had known and respected the parent.

If you did not see/talk to the parent before, is it common to go?

 

[GoesStation]

If you did not see/talk to the parent before, is it common to go?

Only if you are close to the survivors or held the parent in particularly high esteem.

 

[emsr2d2]

If the parent of my best friend died, I would attend the funeral if my friend asked me to, whether I had met that parent or not. However, in general, we attend the funerals of our own family members and close friends, and of anyone else that we feel sufficiently close to.

 

[Tdol]

But church funerals are open to the public, so, in theory, anyone can go. I went to a friend's funeral and there was someone there that no one knew, and people were wondering who it was and why they were there.

 

[Raymott]

It would not be impolite for one of the deceased's relatives to approach this person, and say something like, "Thank you for coming. Did you know him well?"

 

[goodstudent]

But church funerals are open to the public, so, in theory, anyone can go. I went to a friend's funeral and there was someone there that no one knew, and people were wondering who it was and why they were there.

It would not be impolite for one of the deceased's relatives to approach this person, and say something like, "Thank you for coming. Did you know him well?"

Is it rude to ask someone at the funeral why is he coming or how is he related to the deceased?

He could just say he knew the deceased and nobody would know the truth, maybe he is there for a free meal.

What I guess is he might be someone that knows the deceased and do not know any other survivors there.

 

[Raymott]

Yes, it's rude to walk up to someone and say, "Who are you and what are you doing here?" What I wrote above is a polite way around that. Naturally, it's not illegal to attend a funeral, so the family has no right to cross-examine someone, and the person has no obligation to say who he is. (At least in Australia).
Yes, he would most likely be an acquaintance who doesn't share the same circle as the other attendees. Or maybe an old flame, or a skeleton in the closet. Who knows?