[General] Unsure about one paragraph in Cambridge application

[gero]

Hello forum members!

I am currently applying to "Development Studies" at the University of Cambridge and I am not sure about the first paragraph of my personal statement. It would be of great help if you could tell me from a language perspective how good you find it and if I have used any wrong expressions, which can easily happen coming from German. Thank you very much in advance!

I have always desired to understand the drivers for success in development initiatives. I would like to see what measures are necessary to support global economic development and to ensure that all people of a country benefit from economic growth. For example, I am deeply interested in the interplay of development and conflict: the role of under-development in sparking conflicts as well as the impact of conflict on economic growth. Starting in February, I will be writing my bachelor’s thesis on the impact of UN and EU peacekeeping missions on the economic growth of developing countries. In light of the existence of 'collapsing' or 'failed' states such as Somalia where the security situation and pervasive corruption make effective development cooperation impossible, it appears to me that military actions are sometimes an indispensable part of development initiatives. However, the limited military achievements by Western armed forces that have struggled to cope with asymmetric war tactics in places such as Afghanistan show that only a carefully coordinated interplay of military actions and development cooperation can break this deadlock.

Best regards, gero

 

[tedmc]

I am currently applying to do/pursue a course in "Development Studies" at the University of Cambridge and I am not sure about the first paragraph of my personal statement. It would be of great help if you could tell me, from a language perspective, how good you find it and if I have used any wrong expressions, which can easily happen coming from a German. Thank you very much [STRIKE]in advance[/STRIKE]!

I have always desired to understand the drivers for success in development initiatives (of a country?). I would like to see what measures are necessary to support global economic development and to ensure that all the people of a country benefit from economic growth. For example, I am deeply interested in the interplay of development and conflict: the role of under-development in sparking conflicts as well as the impact of conflict on economic growth. Starting in February, I will be writing my bachelor’s thesis on the impact of UN and EU peacekeeping missions on the economic growth of developing countries. In light of the existence of 'collapsing' or 'failed' states such as Somalia where the security situation and pervasive corruption make effective development cooperation impossible, it appears to me that military actions are sometimes an indispensable part of development initiatives. However, the limited military achievements by Western armed forces that have struggled to cope with asymmetric [STRIKE]war tactics[/STRIKE] warfare in places such as Afghanistan show that only a carefully coordinated interplay of military actions and development cooperation can break this deadlock.

I am not sure what you mean by 'development cooperation'.
The statement is well written.

not a teacher