[General] Thesis Check

[evansreb004]

Is this a good Thesis Statement pertaining to a reason for increased automobile accidents.

"Because of an increase in fatal car accidents involving teenagers that are texting and using their cell phones while driving combined with lack of driving experience, changes and improvements need to be made with high school driver's education as it is not effective to keep our teens safe."

Any help with revisions is greatly appreciated. I am taking college English and have not been in school for 25 years. Thanks much, Rebecca

 

[tedmc]

Because of [STRIKE]an[/STRIKE] the increase in fatal car accidents involving teenagers that [STRIKE]are texting and using [/STRIKE] text and use their cell phones while driving, combined with the lack of driving experience, changes and improvements need to be made [STRIKE]with [/STRIKE] to[STRIKE] high school driver's education[/STRIKE] their driving education [STRIKE] as it is not effective to keep our teens safe[/STRIKE]

 

[evansreb004]

Thank you much

 

[emsr2d2]

Thank you very much.

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