their lungs blackened

[alpacinou]

Hello.

Can I say people's lungs are blackened as a result of pollution?

What do you think about what I've written?

Their lungs were blackened by the soot of the relentless smog that always hovered above the city.

 

[emsr2d2]

It's OK, but you missed "were" out of your title. "Their lungs blackened" wouldn't work there. Using "relentless" and "always" is somewhat tautologous.

 

[alpacinou]

It's OK, but you missed "were" out of your title. "Their lungs blackened" wouldn't work there. Using "relentless" and "always" is somewhat tautologous.

Is there a literary alternative for "hover above the city"?

 

[Tarheel]

Hello.

Can I say people's lungs are blackened as a result of pollution?

What do you think about what I've written?

Their lungs were blackened by the soot of the relentless smog that always hovered above the city.

It's pretty good.

You might want to say about the smog that it was ever-present

 

[tedmc]

I thought "hover" is used with moving things like a helicopter or a bird.
How about "casting a pall over the city"?

 

[Tdol]

Covered the city