Bassim
VIP Member
- Joined
- Mar 1, 2008
- Member Type
- Student or Learner
- Native Language
- Bosnian
- Home Country
- Bosnia Herzegovina
- Current Location
- Sweden
I wrote this short story as an exercise, in one go. Would you please correct my mistakes?
From the moment he had moved to his newly bought house, Paul felt uneasy, as if he were being watched. When he went to the cellar to use a washing machine, he broke out in goose pimples. He felt anxiety as never before in his life, and couldn't explain it.
The house stood alone, isolated from the neighbourhood, with no streetlights and surrounded by the old, derelict farm buildings, which had not been used for decades. He didn't even look inside them but through the broken windows saw the dark, rotten beams covered with spider webs. In one of the buildings, an old grain scale patiently awaited a newly harvested crop, which unfortunately would never grow again because where in the past lay lush fields, now cars were speeding up and down the motorway, and an ugly mall was spreading out like an octopus. His bedroom had a view on a stable, whose windows and the door hung aslant on their hinges and creaked in the wind.
Paul had always dreamed about his own house and, when he saw that this one was on sale, he didn't hesitate for a second. It was old but newly refurbished, and with the new white goods. It was cheaper than other houses, and he could afford it without burdening himself with large debt.
The first night, he slept for just two hours, listening to the sounds from the upper floor and the cellar, but nothing could be heard, except the ominous creaking of a weather vane.
The second night, horrible nightmares jolted him awake as soon as he went to sleep. Ugly, evil men and women chased him through the woods while he was running out of breath. When they caught him, they started to strangle him with their spidery fingers, and Paul screamed himself awake. After he calmed himself, he went to sleep, but again the same nightmare returned and the monsters didn't want to leave him in peace but chased him like a wild animal until they clutched their ugly fingers around his neck, crushing his bones and windpipe.
TO BE CONTINUED
From the moment he had moved to his newly bought house, Paul felt uneasy, as if he were being watched. When he went to the cellar to use a washing machine, he broke out in goose pimples. He felt anxiety as never before in his life, and couldn't explain it.
The house stood alone, isolated from the neighbourhood, with no streetlights and surrounded by the old, derelict farm buildings, which had not been used for decades. He didn't even look inside them but through the broken windows saw the dark, rotten beams covered with spider webs. In one of the buildings, an old grain scale patiently awaited a newly harvested crop, which unfortunately would never grow again because where in the past lay lush fields, now cars were speeding up and down the motorway, and an ugly mall was spreading out like an octopus. His bedroom had a view on a stable, whose windows and the door hung aslant on their hinges and creaked in the wind.
Paul had always dreamed about his own house and, when he saw that this one was on sale, he didn't hesitate for a second. It was old but newly refurbished, and with the new white goods. It was cheaper than other houses, and he could afford it without burdening himself with large debt.
The first night, he slept for just two hours, listening to the sounds from the upper floor and the cellar, but nothing could be heard, except the ominous creaking of a weather vane.
The second night, horrible nightmares jolted him awake as soon as he went to sleep. Ugly, evil men and women chased him through the woods while he was running out of breath. When they caught him, they started to strangle him with their spidery fingers, and Paul screamed himself awake. After he calmed himself, he went to sleep, but again the same nightmare returned and the monsters didn't want to leave him in peace but chased him like a wild animal until they clutched their ugly fingers around his neck, crushing his bones and windpipe.
TO BE CONTINUED