The Chief of Police was shocked, "It’s the Cobra himself!" staring at the Cobra.

[theol]

A police officer caught a burglar. The Chief of Police was shocked, "It’s the Cobra himself!" staring at the Cobra.

Is "The Chief of Police shocked, "It’s the Cobra himself!" staring at the Cobra." correct?

If not, how can I make changes to it?

 

[emsr2d2]

No. Somewhere in your piece, you need some form of the verb "say".

 

[theol]

No. Somewhere in your piece, you need some form of the verb "say".

A police officer caught a burglar. The Chief of Police was shocked and said, "It’s the Cobra himself!" staring at the Cobra.

How about now?

 

[emsr2d2]

A police officer caught a burglar. The Chief of Police was shocked and said, "It’s the Cobra himself!", staring at the Cobra.

How about now?

In that version, you need a comma, as shown above. I think it needs a bit more information. You've got nothing linking the catching of the burglar by a police officer and the Chief of Police suddenly appearing.

Here's my suggestion:

A police officer arrested a burglar and took him to the cells at the local police station. The Chief of Police heard about the arrest and went to the cells to see the offender. Staring in shock at the man, he exclaimed "It's the Cobra himself! Good work, Officer Jones!"