The catcher of souls - Please correct my story

[*Rebecca*]

The catcher of souls
It was a rainy Saturday afternoon when Julie visited her grandmother at 4 o’clock. They had a hot cup of tea and some delicious scones for teatime.
Julie told her old grandma about her new school and her new friends.
After they had finished, Julie went home and wanted to do some homework because it was already 8 o’clock.
But she would never reach her destination.
The beautiful girl walked over the bridge of the Thames at a rapid pace because it started to rain. Almost at the end of the bridge she saw a dark clothed person. He looked very old. Julie directly got a goose bumps because the man had completely dark eyes and a snow white skin. She wanted to scream and run away but something held her and she couldn’t move.
The man walked through her and whispered in a strange voice: “You are mine! I need a new soul.”
“What? What do want from me? Let me go!”, Julie said full of fear.
The strange man replied: “I need a new soul. Every 5 years I waited on this bridge to get a soul. I sell this soul to the devil so that I don’t have to go to the purgatory.”
Julie looked in his dark eyes and knew that he spoke the true.
“But I don’t want…”she whispered.
“You’ll go in my position, my dear!”, he laughed.
She wanted to beg for mercy but the man just clapped with his hands and they disappeared.

 

[emsr2d2]

Welcome to the forum. :hi:

It appears that you copied and pasted your post from somewhere else. In that process, a lot of essential spaces between words have been lost (that is a common occurrence). Before we deal with your post, please click on "Edit Post" and add all those spaces.

When are you going to submit your homework to your teacher/tutor?

 

[*Rebecca*]

Thank for your information.
I wrote this story in Word and pasted it here. I added the missing spaces.

I do a distance learning for a Cambridge Certification. I have to write a lot of (short) essays but unfortunately only a few of them will be corrected from my teacher.
That's why I ask this community to correct my text.

 

[tedmc]

The Catcher of Souls

It was a rainy Saturday afternoon when Julie visited her grandmother at 4 o’clock. They had a hot cup of tea and some delicious scones for tea time.
Julie told her old grandma about her new school and her new friends.
After they had finished, Julie went home and wanted to do some homework because it was already 8 o’clock.
But she would never reach her destination.
The beautiful girl walked over the bridge of the Thames at a rapid pace because it started to rain. Almost at the end of the bridge she saw a dark-clothed person. He looked very old. Julie [STRIKE]directly[/STRIKE] instantly got [STRIKE]a [/STRIKE]goosebumps because the man had completely dark eyes and a snow-white skin. She wanted to scream and run away but something held her and she couldn’t move.
She felt as if the man walked through her and whispered in a strange voice: “You are mine! I need a new soul.”
“What? What do want from me? Let me go!”, Julie said full of fear.
The strange man replied: “I need a new soul. Every 5 years I waited on this bridge to get a soul. I sell this soul to the devil so that I don’t have to go to the purgatory.”
Julie looked in his dark eyes and knew that he spoke the truth.
“But I don’t want…”she whispered.
“You’ll go in my position, my dear!”, he laughed.
She wanted to beg for mercy but the man just clapped with his hands and they disappeared.

.

 

[teechar]

The Catcher of Souls
It was a rainy Saturday afternoon when Julie visited her grandmother at 4 o'clock. They had a hot cup of tea and some delicious scones. [STRIKE]for teatime.[/STRIKE]
Julie told her old grandma about her new school and her new friends.
After they had finished, Julie [STRIKE]went[/STRIKE] headed for home and wanted to do some homework because it was already 8 o'clock.
But she would never reach her destination.
The beautiful girl [STRIKE]walked over[/STRIKE] crossed the bridge [STRIKE]of[/STRIKE] over the Thames at a rapid pace because it had started to rain. Almost at the end of the bridge, she saw a [STRIKE]dark clothed[/STRIKE] person wearing dark clothes. He looked very old. Julie [STRIKE]directly[/STRIKE] immediately got goosebumps because the man had completely dark eyes and snow-white skin. She wanted to scream and run away but something held her and she couldn't move.
The man walked through her and whispered in a strange voice: “You are mine! I need a new soul.”
“What? What do want from me? Let me go!”, Julie said, full of fear.
The strange man replied: “I need a new soul. Every 5 years, I wait [STRIKE]ed[/STRIKE] on this bridge to get a soul. I sell this soul to the devil so that I don't have to go to [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] purgatory.”
Julie looked into his dark eyes and knew that he spoke the truth.
“But I don't want…”, she whispered.
“You'll go in place of me, [STRIKE]my position,[/STRIKE] my dear!”, he laughed.
She wanted to beg for mercy, but the man just clapped with [STRIKE]his[/STRIKE] hands, and they both disappeared.

.

 

[tedmc]

The man walked through her and whispered in a strange voice: “You are mine! I need a new soul.”

What is that supposed to mean?

 

[teechar]

He was a ghost.

 

[tedmc]

Since it was a supernatural occurrence, the statement shouldn't be put so matter-of-factly, should it? Which was the reason why I added "She felt as if.." in front.

 

[teechar]

It's a story, and in some stories, ghosts are real.