Bassim
VIP Member
- Joined
- Mar 1, 2008
- Member Type
- Student or Learner
- Native Language
- Bosnian
- Home Country
- Bosnia Herzegovina
- Current Location
- Sweden
Would you please correct my mistakes in the first part of my short story?
History abounds with stories about human encounters with all kinds of strange creatures: aliens, fairies, sprites, nymphs, and strange-behaving animals. Some are apocryphal, told like fairy-tales and others are well-documented and reported in magazines and newspapers. Unfortunately, those involved in such encounters are never able to provide any concrete proofs, besides their oral testimonies, but that does not deny the fact that their lives have been deeply affected by the experience.
One of the people who had luck or misfortune to go through such an encounter was a certain Pablo. He had been working for more than thirty years as a countryside ranger in the national park in Northern Spain. Kind, honest and always ready to help, Pablo was an epitome of goodness, and was liked by everyone in his village. He enjoyed his job, and every morning his neighbours saw him with a bright smile on his face as he rode his mountain bike to the nearby national park. He was nearing his sixties, but because of his healthy style he looked much younger. Long before the famous Greta started school strike for climate, Pablo was doing everything what he could to help the nature. Although he was issued a Land Rover, he seldom used it and preferred to cycle and walk instead. He hated and despised poachers and thieves who cut the timber without permission. On a couple of occasions, he had to use his rifle to scare them away. Pablo wished he could have shot them dead, because those people were the scum of the earth.
On that particular morning, he was cycling and whistling a popular pop song as it was his habit. The path led through an old oak wood, whose mighty trunks inspired awe in him. The sunlight struggled to penetrate the dense canopy and, when it reached the ground, it revealed wild flowers and ripe berries. Birds chirping and singing rang on both sided of the path, bringing back happy memories from his childhood. While other children played football and other games, Pablo went into the woods and stayed there for hours, learning every path, shortcuts and obstacles. He felt better alone in the woods than at home, surrounded by his playmates.
As he took the turn to the left, what he saw caused him to lose his balance, and he hit the hole and tumbled to the ground. When he looked up a bear stood on his hind legs, waving at him. He wore a white Adidas cap, which looked miniscule on his large head, and a thick gold necklace around his neck. Pablo had encountered many bears during his career, and he was never afraid of them, but the objects this one wore, made him shudder with fear. A few months before, a young intelligent student from the village, called Diego, came back from Madrid, where he had been studying economics, to spend his holiday in the village. He was a keen runner and enjoyed his hobby a few times a week. But one day he did not return, and his family raised the alarm. A large search party of about 300 people went into the woods, assisted by two helicopters in the sky, but despite their efforts they found neither Diego nor his clothes nor jewellery. The villagers never lost hope, but as the time went by their hopes faded.
Now as he watched the mighty beast towering over him, Pablo knew that he was the next victim. This bear had tasted human blood and would keep on killing until he was killed himself. Pablo was frozen with fear. He prayed silently that his death would be quick and not too painful. The images of his wife and his children flashed before his eyes, and he groaned with pain. The bear raised his paw, but instead of punching him, he said in a perfect Madrid accent, “Give me your sweets.”
Pablo thought he was hallucinating and closed and opened his eyes a few times to make sure he was not going mad, but the animal was still standing before him and now he had proffered his paw towards him before saying, “Please.” His hands shaking, Pablo shoved his right hand into his trouser pocket, grabbed the sweets and gave them to the bear. “Thank you, sir,” the bear said politely before tossing them into his mouth. Then he turned around and lumbered away down the path on his hind legs, his cap gleaming under the sunlight like a snow cap on a mountain.
Pablo got into panic. He trembled as if he had a fever. He lost the sense of place and time. He could not understand what had happened. It was impossible for a bear to speak, but Pablo clearly heard his words. His pocket, always filled with sweats were now empty. The thought that he had encountered the animal who had probably devoured the poor Diego gave him such a fright that he got up and started to run, leaving his bicycle behind. When he finally reached his house, Pablo was in such a terrible state that his wife, Conchita, screamed with terror as soon as he stepped inside. Not since Pablo had caught her in the act of having sex with their local postman in their kitchen a couple of years ago, did she see him so horrified. It took him a while before he was able to control himself and tell his wife what had happened. If Pablo were an alcoholic or some joker, he wouldn’t have been taken seriously, but as an honest person and a father of two sons, one of which was a judge and another a civil servant, his story was taken seriously by the authorities. They decided not to inform the press for fear of causing panic.
Next day, a large bear hunt was lunched with the participation of hundreds of people determined to find the dangerous animal. They combed every nook and cranny, they climbed trees and crawled in burrows, but without success. After days of search, they found only a white Adidas cap with some hairs clinging to it. Their analysis confirmed Pablo’s story: they belonged to a male bear about eight years of age.
TO BE CONTINUED
History abounds with stories about human encounters with all kinds of strange creatures: aliens, fairies, sprites, nymphs, and strange-behaving animals. Some are apocryphal, told like fairy-tales and others are well-documented and reported in magazines and newspapers. Unfortunately, those involved in such encounters are never able to provide any concrete proofs, besides their oral testimonies, but that does not deny the fact that their lives have been deeply affected by the experience.
One of the people who had luck or misfortune to go through such an encounter was a certain Pablo. He had been working for more than thirty years as a countryside ranger in the national park in Northern Spain. Kind, honest and always ready to help, Pablo was an epitome of goodness, and was liked by everyone in his village. He enjoyed his job, and every morning his neighbours saw him with a bright smile on his face as he rode his mountain bike to the nearby national park. He was nearing his sixties, but because of his healthy style he looked much younger. Long before the famous Greta started school strike for climate, Pablo was doing everything what he could to help the nature. Although he was issued a Land Rover, he seldom used it and preferred to cycle and walk instead. He hated and despised poachers and thieves who cut the timber without permission. On a couple of occasions, he had to use his rifle to scare them away. Pablo wished he could have shot them dead, because those people were the scum of the earth.
On that particular morning, he was cycling and whistling a popular pop song as it was his habit. The path led through an old oak wood, whose mighty trunks inspired awe in him. The sunlight struggled to penetrate the dense canopy and, when it reached the ground, it revealed wild flowers and ripe berries. Birds chirping and singing rang on both sided of the path, bringing back happy memories from his childhood. While other children played football and other games, Pablo went into the woods and stayed there for hours, learning every path, shortcuts and obstacles. He felt better alone in the woods than at home, surrounded by his playmates.
As he took the turn to the left, what he saw caused him to lose his balance, and he hit the hole and tumbled to the ground. When he looked up a bear stood on his hind legs, waving at him. He wore a white Adidas cap, which looked miniscule on his large head, and a thick gold necklace around his neck. Pablo had encountered many bears during his career, and he was never afraid of them, but the objects this one wore, made him shudder with fear. A few months before, a young intelligent student from the village, called Diego, came back from Madrid, where he had been studying economics, to spend his holiday in the village. He was a keen runner and enjoyed his hobby a few times a week. But one day he did not return, and his family raised the alarm. A large search party of about 300 people went into the woods, assisted by two helicopters in the sky, but despite their efforts they found neither Diego nor his clothes nor jewellery. The villagers never lost hope, but as the time went by their hopes faded.
Now as he watched the mighty beast towering over him, Pablo knew that he was the next victim. This bear had tasted human blood and would keep on killing until he was killed himself. Pablo was frozen with fear. He prayed silently that his death would be quick and not too painful. The images of his wife and his children flashed before his eyes, and he groaned with pain. The bear raised his paw, but instead of punching him, he said in a perfect Madrid accent, “Give me your sweets.”
Pablo thought he was hallucinating and closed and opened his eyes a few times to make sure he was not going mad, but the animal was still standing before him and now he had proffered his paw towards him before saying, “Please.” His hands shaking, Pablo shoved his right hand into his trouser pocket, grabbed the sweets and gave them to the bear. “Thank you, sir,” the bear said politely before tossing them into his mouth. Then he turned around and lumbered away down the path on his hind legs, his cap gleaming under the sunlight like a snow cap on a mountain.
Pablo got into panic. He trembled as if he had a fever. He lost the sense of place and time. He could not understand what had happened. It was impossible for a bear to speak, but Pablo clearly heard his words. His pocket, always filled with sweats were now empty. The thought that he had encountered the animal who had probably devoured the poor Diego gave him such a fright that he got up and started to run, leaving his bicycle behind. When he finally reached his house, Pablo was in such a terrible state that his wife, Conchita, screamed with terror as soon as he stepped inside. Not since Pablo had caught her in the act of having sex with their local postman in their kitchen a couple of years ago, did she see him so horrified. It took him a while before he was able to control himself and tell his wife what had happened. If Pablo were an alcoholic or some joker, he wouldn’t have been taken seriously, but as an honest person and a father of two sons, one of which was a judge and another a civil servant, his story was taken seriously by the authorities. They decided not to inform the press for fear of causing panic.
Next day, a large bear hunt was lunched with the participation of hundreds of people determined to find the dangerous animal. They combed every nook and cranny, they climbed trees and crawled in burrows, but without success. After days of search, they found only a white Adidas cap with some hairs clinging to it. Their analysis confirmed Pablo’s story: they belonged to a male bear about eight years of age.
TO BE CONTINUED
