Snow White with the Red Hair..

[Gaya87]

Can someone please check my grammar: Shirayuki, a girl with red hair runs away from her country after being proposed and chased by the prince of her country, only to meet Zen, the prince of a neighboring country.

 

[Matthew Wai]

'Shirayuki, a girl with red hair, runs away from her country after being chased and proposed to by the prince of her country...'

Not a teacher.

 

[Weaver67]

As far as I know, in the meaning of 'make an offer of marriage to someone', the verb propose does take the preposition 'to' but it is usually intransitive, apart from the case where it is marriage that is being proposed to somebody.
So, to simplify things a bit, I would write "...after a proposal of marriage from the prince of her country..."

Not a teacher.

 

[emsr2d2]

Saying "after being proposed to" is perfectly natural (BrE).

 

[Matthew Wai]

I would write "...after a proposal of marriage from the prince of her country..."

I think you have omitted the meaning of being chased, but I am not a teacher.

 

[Weaver67]

Well, yes. I have indeed. What about "...after so many turned down proposals of marriage from the prince of her country, who seems to be getting extremely displeased with her continuing refusals..."?

It seems to convey the idea of pursuit or chase very well, doesn't it?

Not a teacher.

 

[Matthew Wai]

Your suggested phrase is so long, so I suggest that the whole sentence be separated into two, but I am not a teacher.

 

[Weaver67]

Yes, it is long - that's true. Your suggestion is perfectly valid; no doubt, that way it would be far more easier to understand.

However, with the punctuation being slightly changed, the length of the whole thing doesn't appear [to me] to hinder the comprehension of it any significantly:

Shirayuki, a girl with red hair, runs away from her country after so many turned down proposals of marriage from the prince of her country (who seems to be getting extremely displeased with her continuing refusals), only to meet Zen, the prince of a neighboring country.

P.S. Still, I agree that the capability of ing-forms to reduce the overall amount of writing is hard to underestimate. ;-)

 

[Gaya87]

ok, slightly I can understand the terms here. Still I'm not sure how I should proceed. Which is the correct one here?

 

[Matthew Wai]

'Shirayuki, a girl with red hair, runs away from her country after being chased and proposed to repeatedly by the prince of her country (who seems to be getting extremely displeased with her continuing refusals), only to meet Zen, the prince of a neighboring country.'

I think the text in red is optional, so it is up to the OP to decide.

... after so many turned down proposals of marriage from...

I would say '... after turning down so many marriage proposals from...', because Shirayuki, the subject of the sentence, is the one who did the 'turning down'.

Not a teacher.

 

[Weaver67]

ok, slightly I can understand the terms here. Still I'm not sure how I should proceed. Which is the correct one here?

I would say it is just a matter of style and personal preferences rather than that of correctness. To me, they all look correct, though I deem it advisible to wait for opinions of those who are English teachers or/and native speakers of English if you still have any doubts about it.

Not a teacher.

 

[Weaver67]

'Shirayuki, a girl with red hair, runs away from her country after being chased and proposed to repeatedly by the prince of her country (who seems to be getting extremely displeased with her continuing refusals), only to meet Zen, the prince of a neighboring country.'

I think the text in red is optional, so it is up to the OP to decide.


I would say '... after turning down so many marriage proposals from...', because Shirayuki, the subject of the sentence, is the one who did the 'turning down'.

Not a teacher.

Good point, Matthew. :up: I agree.

Yet, even in my original phrasing, the optional text in red would surely make it clear who is repeatedly proposed to, in case it cannot be infered immediately from the context.

There is always room for perfection, I understand that; but let us not debate over this any longer, for it may only confuse the OP even more.

Not a teacher.

 

[Matthew Wai]

so many turned down proposals

One more thing, I think the above 'turned down' should have been hyphenated as it is used as an adjective, but I am not a teacher.

 

[Gaya87]

Thank you so much for all the explanation. I would prefer as this: Shirayuki, a girl with red hair, runs away from her country after turning down so many marriage proposals from the prince of her country, only to meet Zen, the prince of a neighboring country.

This sounds good to me.

 

[emsr2d2]

I see no need for "so many marriage proposals". The use of "so many" suggests that we are going to see another clause beginning with "that" and giving some result of the number of proposals. How about:

Shirayuki, a red-haired girl, flees her country after turning down many proposals of marriage from her country's prince, only to meet Zen, the prince of a neighbouring country.

Note that you can also say "a redhead" instead of "red-haired girl" but that loses the explanation that she is female.

 

[Matthew Wai]

... but that loses the explanation that she is female.

I think 'her country' can tell the gender, but I am not a teacher.

The use of "so many" suggests that we are going to see another clause beginning with "that" and giving some result of the number of proposals.

'So many' can also suggest that acts of multiple proposals were described previously.

 

[emsr2d2]

I think 'her country' can tell the gender, but I am not a teacher.

That's true.

'So many' can also suggest that acts of multiple proposals were described previously.

That's also true but we don't know if the multiple proposals have been mentioned before this sentence.