She trudged up the muddy path

[alpacinou]

Is this correct and natural?

She trudged up the muddy path to reach a flat area overlooking the city. The whole city bloomed bright beneath her. The noisy, flashy city she could never love. She was born and raised here but it had never been her home. It would never be. The wind blew somberly, ruffling the naked trees to her right.

 

[Yankee]

Is this correct and natural?

She trudged up the muddy path to reach a [STRIKE]flat area[/STRIKE] plateau overlooking the city. The [STRIKE]whole [/STRIKE] city [STRIKE]bloomed[/STRIKE] glowed bright beneath her, the noisy, flashy city she could not love. She was born and raised here but it had never been her home. It would never be.

My shot.

 

[alpacinou]

My shot.

Sorry I edited my post just before you posted this.

Is there no way I can use "bloom"?

 

[Tarheel]

It's as good a place as any for trudged.

In the second sentence, "bloomed bright" is a nice touch.

Finally, I might say:

She had been born and raised there, but it had never felt like home, and it never would.

I don't know if "Is it natural?" is the right question when you are trying to be creative, as you clearly are.

Creative writing is always in a sense unnatural, because you are trying to be original. Having said that, you can say something in a creative way and still make it seem just right.

It's s good effort.

 

[Tarheel]

The wind blew somberly, ruffling the naked trees to her right.

That's changes the tone of the piece in my opinion. It also personifies wind for some unknown reason.

 

[Yankee]

Sorry I edited my post just before you posted this.

Is there no way I can use "bloom"?

You have my permission :-D, but I can't picture a city blooming even though I suspect you are referring to its lights.

 

[Tarheel]

One more thing. Yankee is right. You don't need whole before city.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

Is this correct and natural?

She trudged up the muddy path to [STRIKE]reach[/STRIKE] a flat area overlooking the city. The town bloomed bright beneath her. The noisy, flashy place she could never love. She was born and raised here, but it had never been her home. It would never be. The wind blew somberly, ruffling the naked trees nearby.

Ideas: One city is enough. The side the trees are on doesn't matter.

Naked trees implies winter. Is that right? Just checking.

 

[emsr2d2]

In several countries, a city and a town are different things. I would get rid of the repetition of "city" by saying something like:

... to a flat area overlooking the city, which bloomed bright beneath her.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

In several countries, a city and a town are different things. I would get rid of the repetition of "city" by saying something like:

... to a flat area overlooking the city, which bloomed bright beneath her.

Oh! Good to know. In the US, a town can't always be called a city, but you can always call a city a town, as in: "New York, New York, it's a hell of a town.":

 

[Tdol]

In creative writing, bloom works fine for me.