[Grammar] Security stopped our staff - grammar check to the sentences

[Kumar Nadimuthu]

Is the below text grammatically correct?

Our Safety officer arrived at Samsung gate for training around 12:45pm, but your securities haven't allowed. They also requested a Samsung representative to come at the gate and take him in. When he communicated to me, I unable to contacted you over phone. He tried twice at Samsung security gate with the relevant gate pass / an email copy, but they refused to allow him inside. Finally, he returned back at 2:30pm.

 

[emsr2d2]

Is the below text grammatically correct?

Our Safety Officer arrived at the Samsung gate for training around 12:45pm, but [STRIKE]your[/STRIKE] [STRIKE]securities[/STRIKE] security [STRIKE]haven't allowed[/STRIKE] didn't allow him entry/access/through. They [STRIKE]also[/STRIKE] requested that a Samsung representative [STRIKE]to[/STRIKE] come [STRIKE]at[/STRIKE] ​to the gate and take him in. When he [STRIKE]communicated to[/STRIKE] contacted me, I was unable to [STRIKE]contacted[/STRIKE] contact you over the phone. He tried twice at the Samsung security gate with [strike]the[/strike] an email copy of the relevant gate pass [STRIKE] / an email copy,[/STRIKE] but they refused to allow him inside. [STRIKE]Finally,[/STRIKE] He returned [STRIKE]back[/STRIKE] at 2:30pm.

See above for corrections.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

Yes. Good corrections!

It would sound more natural to write something like:

- I couldn't reach you by phone.
- I tried phoning but didn't reach you.
- I phoned you, but you weren't there.
- I tried calling but couldn't reach you.

 

[emsr2d2]

If I were writing the whole thing from scratch, I would probably use something like your alternatives. However, in the first instance, I always try to stick as closely as possible to the OP's version.

It should be noted that "I phoned you but you weren't there" has a different meaning from the other three suggested sentences.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

Yes, absolutely! I always try to do that, too, but you'd already done it. I often offer alternatives so students become familiar with conversational phrases. They don't always mean exactly the same thing, but I do aim for the same general meaning.

Didn't mean to sound like I was correcting you. Your work was exactly right!