[Essay] ...retrieved a tapestry...

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rodgers white

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Hi there. Would you please proofread the following text? Any help would be appreciated.

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Jingying began by vividly describing the city in which she and Gan had lived for the first half of their lives. Gan sketched his own house in great detail. One drawing depicted a plan view of the residential portion of the house; another, a side view, included all the underground levels as well. Yang and Lanhua leaned in close with Qingmei, neither of which had ever seen it before either. Jingying went and retrieved a tapestry she had recently finished, which showed their city with mountains on either side. Lanhua pointed to a position on the eastern mountains. “Father will return here after I have my first baby and put his book in a cave, where Rui, Meili, Kai, Jingying, Professor, and David will find it a very long time after.”

Gan was shocked. He had not talked about Rui or his daughter, except to Jingying, and had no idea who Kai and the others were, not even Jingying. Rui was a synthetic intelligence, who had been created by his father accidentally. Meili was Rui’s daughter, created by Rui, himself. They were sentient minds residing in a supercomputer Gan’s father, Wang Yang, had designed and built for Rui.

Gan apologised to Qingmei. "Sorry for diverting the storytelling, but I must know more of what Lanhua has dreamed."

Lanhua did not need any prompting. “It was my most vivid dream ever, Father. But I did not have any context for it until, Mother, just now, showed us the embroidery. It depicts the end of my dream perfectly.”
 
This is really excellent writing. Your English is at a level indistinguishable from a native-speaker's.

Since you're also an English teacher with a very high level of competence, I'll share with you a technique I use with my own writing: Leave the text for an entire month, and when you come back to it, you'll see and hear things that you hadn't been able to see and hear before. When you read it back, make sure you read it aloud, and at a careful speed.
 
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Hi there. Would you please proofread the following text? Any help would be appreciated.

************************************************** ************************

Jingying began by vividly describing the city in which she and Gan had lived for the first half of their lives. Gan sketched his own house in great detail. One drawing depicted a plan view of the residential portion of the house; another, a side view, included all the underground levels as well. Yang and Lanhua leaned in close with Qingmei, neither of which (1) had ever seen it before either. Jingying went and retrieved a tapestry she had recently finished, which showed their city with mountains on either side. Lanhua pointed to a position on the eastern mountains. “Father will return here after I have my first baby and put his book in a cave, where Rui, Meili, Kai, Jingying, Professor, and David will find it a very long time after.”

Gan was shocked. He had not talked about Rui or his daughter, except to Jingying, and had no idea who Kai and the others were, not even Jingying. Rui was a synthetic intelligence (2), who had been created by his father accidentally. Meili was Rui’s daughter, created by Rui,(3) himself. They were sentient minds residing in a supercomputer Gan’s father, Wang Yang, had designed and built for Rui.

Gan apologised to Qingmei. "Sorry for diverting (4) the storytelling, but I must know more of what Lanhua has dreamed."

Lanhua did not need any prompting. “It was my most vivid dream ever, Father. But I did not have any context for it until, Mother, just now, showed us the embroidery. It depicts the end of my dream perfectly.”

1. Should that be "who"?
2. A person is a synthetic intelligence?
3. The daughter was "created"?
4. I think there should be a preposition "from" there.
 
1: 'neither of whom...' would be better.
2 and 3:Rui and Meili are both robots.
4: Yeah, maybe 'Sorry for diverting you from the storytelling' would be clearer.
 
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