[Grammar] Request for admission in school

[shekarraohs]

The below provided is the request letter, kindly review & help me to make any changes if required or rephrase the sentence or paragraph.

TO,
The Principal,
XXX School,
India.
Date: XXX

Sub: Request for admission in 1st standard of my daughter XXX

Respected Sir/Madam,

My name is XXXX I would like to enroll my daughter XXXX aged 6 years into your school for 1[SUP]st[/SUP] standard for the academic year 2017-18.
Your school has very good reputation in bengaluru city and I am confident that by attending to your school, she will become better prepared to face life's challenges and to achieve her dreams.

Since we are joint family I am aware that my niece XXXX studying in 1[SUP]st[/SUP] Standard “A” section in your school. We have noticed her semester wise very good results, a drastic improvement in her skills & behavior. So I kindly request you to consider my daughter as well a potential student in your school.

I would be very grateful if you would consider my application for a place for my daughter. Should you wish to meet in person to discuss this, please contact me and I will be delighted to attend a meeting.

Many thanks for your consideration.

Yours faithfully,

(Name)

 

[Tarheel]

Say:

Below is the request letter.

Say:

I am confident that by attending your school....

Your niece is studying in first standard?

 

[emsr2d2]

[STRIKE]The below provided is the request letter, kindly review & help me to make any changes if required or rephrase the sentence or paragraph.[/STRIKE] Please help me by correcting the letter below.

TO,
The Principal,
XXX School,
India.
Date: XXX

Sub: Request for admission [STRIKE]in[/STRIKE] to 1st standard [STRIKE]of[/STRIKE] for my daughter [STRIKE]XXX[/STRIKE]Respected/Dear Sir/Madam,

My name is XXXX I would like to enroll my six-year-old daughter, [daughter's name], [STRIKE]aged 6 years[/STRIKE] into [STRIKE]your school for[/STRIKE] 1[SUP]st[/SUP] standard at your school for the academic year 2017-18.

Your school has a very good reputation in Bengaluru City and I am confident that by attending to your school, [STRIKE]she[/STRIKE] my daughter will [STRIKE]become[/STRIKE] be better prepared to face life's challenges and to achieve her dreams.

[STRIKE]Since we are joint family I am aware that[/STRIKE] My niece, [daughter's name] is studying in 1[SUP]st[/SUP] Standard “A” section in your school. [STRIKE]We have noticed her semester wise[/STRIKE] She has achieved very good results and there has been a drastic improvement in her skills and behavior. [STRIKE]So I kindly request you to consider my daughter as well a potential student in your school.[/STRIKE]

I would be very grateful if you would consider my application for a place for my daughter. Should you wish to meet in person to discuss this, please contact me and I will be delighted to attend a meeting.

Many thanks for your consideration.

Yours faithfully,

(Name)

See above. I have shortened some sections because they were overly wordy. However, I think you need to add more details about your daughter - you have spent more time talking about your niece than about your daughter. You should provide some information about your daughter's best subjects, her interests etc.

 

[Tarheel]

What does "semester wise" mean?

Say:

So I kindly request that you consider my daughter for enrollment in your school.