[General] Reply - Opening sentence - After time off

[jesus931367]

Good morning

I applied for a work experience program and unfortunately I did not get an answer, well, I received an automatic reply e-mail "I'm taking some time off and will be back on Monday"

It's been a while and I want to send a follow-up e-mail (formal)

Is the following opening sentence correct and formal? Any alternatives?

Dear Ms. XXX

I hope you had a nice time off


Many thanks

Jesus

 

[teechar]

Hello, and welcome to the forum.
What else do you intend to write in your email?

 

[emsr2d2]

Good morning.

I applied for a work experience program and unfortunately I did not get an answer. Well, I received an automatic reply e-mail that said "I'm taking some time off and will be back on Monday".

It's been a while and I want to send a follow-up e-mail (formal).

Is the following opening sentence correct and formal? Can you give me any alternatives?

Dear Ms. XXX

I hope you had a nice time off.

[STRIKE]Many thanks.[/STRIKE] Unnecessary. Thank us after we help you, by clicking on the "Thank" button.

[STRIKE]Jesus[/STRIKE] Unnecessary. We can see your username.

"time off" is generally uncountable so using "a time off" doesn't work. I might say something like "I hope you enjoyed your time off". If you want help with the rest of the email, please post it in full and we can comment. If you're happy that you can write the rest of your email on your own, great.

Also, note my corrections above. It's important to remember to end every sentence with an appropriate punctuation mark.

Note that I have moved this thread to the "Editing and Writing Topics" section of the forum.

 

[jesus931367]

Thank you for your replies.

"What else do you intend to write in your email?" Just a follow-up, something along these lines:

I recently sent you an email regarding a work experience placement and I was wondering if you received it.

It is difficult to write a good opening sentence between formal and showing personal touch and politeness. Do you think "I hope you enjoyed your time off" is adequate?

 

[teechar]

I think there's no need to talk about her time off.
Just say what you need to say. For example:

Dear Ms. Craddock,

I sent you an email on 20 August regarding a work experience placement, but I haven't received any reply.

I would be much obliged if you could let me know whether you received my email and if you can take me on.

Yours faithfully,

Jesus Sanchez

 

[jesus931367]

I would like somehow connect with the recruiter and be empathetic.

As I know she has been off work, I would like to say something about it (in a formal/good way).

 

[emsr2d2]

Be careful - she might have been having time off because of a death in the family, or other unpleasant circumstances. In that case, it would be completely inappropriate to assume that her time off was nice or enjoyable. I agree with teechar - there's no need to refer to the information you got from her "out of office" automatic reply.

(I realise this is at odds with my original reply but I have had time to reconsider.)

 

[Tdol]

How about:

Dear Ms Craddock,

I am following up an email I sent on 20 August regarding a work experience placement.

Is there any news on that front?

Yours,

Jesus Sanchez

 

[jesus931367]

Good point emsr2d2 and thank Tdol for the suggestion

 

[emsr2d2]

Good point, emsr2d2, and thanks, Tdol, for the suggestion.

Remember to punctuate every sentence correctly.