[Essay] Reduce redundancy

[thantoni]

Can you please me help me to reduce the redundancy from this sentence:
"The main reason that leads me to believe that I can make a decisive contribution "

 

[Barb_D]

It's not a sentence. What is that main reason?
It's also not redundant; it's just wordy.

Write the entire sentence and then we'll see. Maybe whatever that
main reason is can be the subject of a more concise sentence.

 

[thantoni]

Hi Bard_D you are absolutely write on your comments. I am just writing a Cover Letter and I feel extremely uncomfortable with its structure.
The full sentence is: "The main reason that leads me to believe that I can make a decisive contribution to this department is both my working experience in a relevant sector and my rich academic record".

 

[blackdragon]

"The main reason that leads me to believe that I can make a decisive contribution" could be written:
the main reason leading me to believe is (that) i can make a decisive contribution

 

[Tdol]

Hi Bard_D you are absolutely write on your comments. I am just writing a Cover Letter and I feel extremely uncomfortable with its structure.
The full sentence is: "The main reason that leads me to believe that I can make a decisive contribution to this department is both my working experience in a relevant sector and my rich academic record".

Haven't you given two reasons there?

How about:

I believe that I can make a decisive contribution to this department because...

 

[5jj]

"The main reason that leads me to believe that I can make a decisive contribution" could be written:
the main reason leading me to believe is (that) i can make a decisive contribution

This is not possible.

 

[thantoni]

Thank you Tdol. You are absolutly right.
I have changed this sentence so many times that at the end I don't even remember what I wrote.

 

[Rover_KE]

"The main reason that leads me to believe that I can make a decisive contribution" could be written:
"The main reason leading me to believe is (that) I can make a decisive contribution."

It's still wrong – even with my corrections.

Please read this extract from the forum's Posting Guidelines, blackdragon:

You are welcome to answer questions posted in the Ask a Teacher forum as long as your suggestions, help, and advice reflect a good understanding of the English language. If you are not a teacher, you will need to state that clearly at the top of your post.

Rover

 

[tedtmc]

not a teacher

I prefer the following adjectives:

decisive contribution - positive contribution.
rich academic record - good/strong academic record

How about making it simple:
With my experience (which is relevant to the position) and good academic record, I believe I can make a positive contribution to the department.