Please, would you proofread my poem.

[Bassim]

Please, would you proofread my poem "Recession."

RECESSION

How we made love time and again,

drenched our bodies in passion,

became drunk on desire.


How we enjoyed travels to exotic places,

candlelight dinners at smart restaurants,

wine testing and dance until dawn.


How the world was an interesting place

and people friendly and nice,

until the day when I was sacked.


How you comforted me,

standing beside all the time, like a fair maiden

giving water to the wounded soldier.


And how four months later

you threw me out,

yelling "I won't support a parasite!"

 

[RonBee]

Say:
.

wine tasting and dancing until dawn

or

drinking wine and dancing until dawn


​

Say:
.

standing beside me....

​

Great ending! (It leaves the reader's head spinning.)

:-D:up:

 

[Bassim]

Dear RonBee,
Thank you very much for correcting my mistakes.