[Cover Letter] Please tell me if my cover letter is ok

[johanne24]

Please can you help me with my cover letter, I think it's Ok, excepted the lines I colored in red. Can you please tell me if it's ok? Thank you very much Antananarivo, June 10, 2014 WFP Madagascar To the attention of Mr. the Resident Representative

[FONT=&quot] [/FONT] [FONT=&quot]Object :[/FONT][FONT=&quot] Spontaneous application for a "manager/administrator/administrative".[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT] [FONT=&quot] [/FONT] [FONT=&quot]Dear Mr. the Resident Representative, [/FONT] [FONT=&quot] [/FONT] [FONT=&quot] [/FONT] [FONT=&quot]Please find hereby my spontaneous application for an "manager/administrator/administrative".[/FONT] [FONT=&quot] [/FONT] [FONT=&quot]Recently graduated from the INSCAE with a Master in International Management, I acquired the sense of responsibilities and initiative while developing my spirit of synthesis and analysis.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]My willingness/workforce and my wish to acquire very soon professional skills leaded me to work at several companies, during three years, in parallel with my studies.[/FONT] [FONT=&quot] [/FONT] [FONT=&quot]Furthermore, a first professional experience in the humanitarian field (CforC NGO) allowed me to develop my communication skills both spoken and written among persons from different cultural, language and social environment.[/FONT] [FONT=&quot] [/FONT] [FONT=&quot]I wish to orientate my professional career toward administrative functions among international organisms with humanitarian vocation such as the WFP.[/FONT] [FONT=&quot] [/FONT] [FONT=&quot]I am actually managing an enterprise in the field of e-trading, and I succeeded to structure this activity in sort as I am available at half-time (20hours per week) to devote myself to the desired position among your organism.[/FONT] [FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I look forward to discussing my qualification further and can be reached by email at xxx@gmail.com or by phone at 00 261 34 xx xxx xx.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT] [FONT=&quot]Thank you so much for your time[/FONT] [FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Sincerely[/FONT] [FONT=&quot] [/FONT]

​

 

[emsr2d2]

You definitely can't use "Mr. Resident Representative". We only put "Mr/Miss/Mrs/Ms before someone's surname or full name. If you don't know the name of the relevant person, use "Dear Sir/Madam". If you know he's a man, then "Dear Sir". If you know she's a woman, then "Dear Madam". You could also use "For the attention of the Resident Representative".

Can you tell us what a "Resident Representative" is?

 

[Barb_D]

I'm not sure what a "spontaneous application" is either.

 

[johanne24]

Thank you for your help
A resident representative (for NGOs) is like a country manager (for companies), he represents the country in which the organization is located.

 

[johanne24]

A spontaneous application is an application that doesn't respond to any job offer, it will be sent to a company even if there is not job offer.
Please correct me if I'm wrong about the way to say the words.

 

[emsr2d2]

I think that's an "unsolicited application".

 

[Louiesaha]

Please can you help me with my cover letter, I think it's Ok, excepted the lines I colored in red. Can you please tell me if it's ok? Thank you very much Antananarivo, June 10, 2014 WFP Madagascar To the attention of Mr. the Resident Representative

Object : Spontaneous application for a "manager/administrator/administrative".

Dear Mr. the Resident Representative, Please find hereby my spontaneous application for an "manager/administrator/administrative". Recently graduated from the INSCAE with a Master in International Management, I acquired the sense of responsibilities and initiative while developing my spirit of synthesis and analysis.

My willingness/workforce and my wish to acquire very soon professional skills leaded me to work at severalcompanies, during three years, in parallel with my studies. Furthermore, a first professional experience in the humanitarian field (CforC NGO) allowed me to develop my communication skills both spoken and written among persons from different cultural, language and social environment. I wish to orientate my professional career toward administrative functions among international organisms with humanitarian vocation such as the WFP. I am actually managing an enterprise in the field of e-trading, and I succeeded to structure this activity in sort as I am available at half-time (20hours per week) to devote myself to the desired position among your organism.
I look forward to discussing my qualification further and can be reached by email at xxx@gmail.com or by phone at 00 261 34 xx xxx xx.
Thank you so much for your time
Sincerely

​

I am not a English teacher, I am an ex-banker. But, when I read your cover letter, it doesn't clearly spell out what are your competencies. I think cover letter is a place for you to present your competencies, what set you aside from other applicants.
You said your first professional experience was in the humanitarian field, I suggest you to further elaborate what have you done/ learned in that field. You also said that you have communicated with people from the different cultures, you can cite some examples of the do/don't when you are dealing with one specific culture. You also can highlight how many languages you are fluent on. You said you are managing e- trading, you can give further details of how do you manage it, what e-trading are you in.
Last, I am not sure the word " organism" is the right word, I will change it to " organization" .