[Essay] please proof and rate between 1-4

[kbb83]

Please proofread my essay and rate it between 1-4. 4=Effective 3=Adequate 2=Marginal 1=Ineffective Thank you.

Prompt : People have become more health conscious in the past few years. More people seem to be exercising regularly and watching what they eat.
Discussion Question : What are some ways that you can help yourself to become healthier or maintain your own good health?
Essay:
I don’t consider myself to be very healthy. Three ways I could improve my health are to stop smoking, eat healthier and exercise, and see a physician regularly.
Smoking is a deadly habit and it causes many problems with my health. I started smoking at around the age of twelve and I have now smoked for fifteen years. As I got older I began to smoke more and more. I now smoke about twenty-five cigarettes a day. I’ve tried to quit before and I think it’s time I try again.
Eating healthy and exercising is challenging for me. I eat a lot of fatty foods and I don’t exercise every day. I often realize the benefits of both a healthy diet and frequent exercise; I just don’t make the time. There are lots of small steps I can take; I just have to buckle down.
Going to a physician regularly can save your life, especially as you get older. I don’t currently see a physician and I know I should be. I think it’s important to have regular checkups and/or tests on your body. For me I think it’s just as simple as picking up the phone; I’ve just been putting it off.
In summary, three ways I could improve my health are to stop smoking, eat healthier and exercise and to go to a physician regularly.

 

[Raymott]

Please proofread my essay and rate it between 1-4. 4=Effective 3=Adequate 2=Marginal 1=Ineffective Thank you.

Prompt : People have become more health conscious in the past few years. More people seem to be exercising regularly and watching what they eat.
Discussion Question : What are some ways that you can help yourself to become healthier or maintain your own good health?
Essay:
I don’t consider myself to be very healthy. Three ways I could improve my health are to stop smoking, eat healthier and exercise, and see a physician regularly.
Smoking is a deadly habit and it causes many problems with my health. I started smoking at around the age of twelve and I have now smoked for fifteen years. As I got older I began to smoke more and more. I now smoke about twenty-five cigarettes a day. I’ve tried to quit before and I think it’s time I try again.
Eating healthy and exercising is challenging for me. I eat a lot of fatty foods and I don’t exercise every day. I often realize the benefits of both a healthy diet and frequent exercise; I just don’t make the time. There are lots of small steps I can take; I just have to buckle down.
Going to a physician regularly can save your life, especially as you get older. I don’t currently see a physician and I know I should be. I think it’s important to have regular checkups and/or tests on your body. For me I think it’s just as simple as picking up the phone; I’ve just been putting it off.
In summary, three ways I could improve my health are to stop smoking, eat healthier and exercise and to go to a physician regularly.

Given your age (27), and your native language (English), I'd call this adequate, but not very inspiring writing. You have not tried to use any complex constructions (subordinate clauses, etc). Vocabulary is limited and repetitive.
It does answer the question though.