Please, help me to improve my letter of motivation (regenerative medicine)

[Belato]

Hello. I am applying for a PhD program of my dream and my letter of motivation had better be impeccable. Could you, please, criticize it and suggest how could I improve it? I will be glad if somebody would show my mistakes in the letter. It must be up to 2000 characters with spaces. It has not to contain information about my research experience: only scientific interest.

Letter:

Regenerative medicine caught my particular attention when I was studying at the University. In that time I was interested in gerontology and anti-aging therapies. Among various developing methods of resisting age-related diseases, regenerative technologies seemed to me the most perspective for achieving this goal since they can renew human body, not simply conserve it. While I was studying scientific articles and reviews on the regenerative medicine iPSCs most of all attracted my attention. It was due to my long-term interest in cell biology, but what's more the possibility to reprogram cells impressed me. It opens a vast space for a great variety of experiments. iPSCs are used for a wide specter of tasks, not only for therapy, but also for disease modeling and for drugs development. Though numerous things are still to be revealed. That is why I intend to study iPSCs in my future scientific work.
I apply for NNN PhD program as it perfectly meets my expectations. Several years ago I was already dreaming to work in a laboratory cluster concentrated on studies in the field of regenerative medicine. This program attracts me by its rich content allowing to expand knowledge and improve practical skills. Another important point for me is that NNN unites diverse research groups. So I will be able to communicate with different researchers, learn what problems they are solving and what they have discovered thereby extending my own understanding of situation. I believe that dialogue between various research fields is essential for the overall progress.
My intention is to perform studies towards Ph.D. degree and afterwards to continue scientific researches at a postdoc position.

 

[Raymott]

Regenerative medicine caught my particular attention when I was studying at the University. In that time I was interested in gerontology and anti-aging therapies. Among various developing methods of resisting age-related diseases, regenerative technologies seemed to me the most perspective for achieving this goal since they can renew the human body, not simply conserve it. While I was studying scientific articles and reviews on [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] regenerative medicine, iPSCs attracted my attention most of all. It was due to my long-term interest in cell biology, but what's more the possibility to reprogram cells impressed me. It opens a vast space for a great variety of experiments. iPSCs are used for a wide specter (spectrum?) of tasks, not only for therapy, but also for disease modeling and for drug[STRIKE]s[/STRIKE] development. Though numerous things [factors/aspects. 'Things' is not a good word in academia] are still to be revealed. That is why I intend to study iPSCs in my future scientific work.
I [STRIKE]apply [/STRIKE][am applying / have applied] for NNN PhD program as it perfectly meets my expectations. Several years ago I was already dreaming [STRIKE]to work[/STRIKE] of working in a laboratory [STRIKE]cluster [/STRIKE][?] concentrated on studies in the field of regenerative medicine. This program attracts me by its rich content [STRIKE]allowing to[/STRIKE] which would allow me to expand my knowledge and improve my practical skills. Another important point for me is that NNN unites diverse research groups. So I [STRIKE]will[/STRIKE] would [You don't have the job yet] be able to communicate with different researchers, learn what problems they are solving and what they have discovered, thereby extending my own understanding of the situation. I believe that dialogue between various research fields is essential for the overall progress.
My intention is to perform studies towards the Ph.D. [often simply PhD these days - I'd suggest you check and use the format the university uses; besides, you need to be consistant with the above] degree and afterwards to continue scientific researche[STRIKE]s[/STRIKE] at a postdoctoral [It's a formal letter] position.

Your written English is fine.

 

[tedmc]

Among the various developing methods of resisting age-related diseases, regenerative technologies seemed to me the most perspective for achieving this goal since they can renew the human body, not simply conserve it.

What do you mean by 'developing methods'? Do you mean 'methods under development/research'?
"Perspective" does not seem to be the appropriate word. Promising? Prospective?

not a teacher

 

[emsr2d2]

"Prospective" doesn't fit there either.

 

[Belato]

Raymott, thank you very much!

tedmc,

Do you mean 'methods under development/research'?

Yes. Exactly this.

 

[Tarheel]

Belato, don't forget to make paragraph breaks. (Space between paragraphs.)

:up:

 

[Belato]

Could somebody check grammar in my research summary as well? Please!

" I was engaged in work on my diploma project for 8 months. The project involved studies of interactions of a ribosomal protein L22e (RPL22e) with microtubules. These studies are important for our understanding of so-called diffusive interactions between proteins and microtubules. In order to achieve this gene engineering methods such as PCR, restriction, ligation, transformation were used to express RPL22e and its truncated variants with fluorescent tags in bacteria. Then proteins were purified on a column with Ni-NTA agarose with subsequent dialysis. Interactions of the purified truncated proteins with microtubules were analyzed using co-sedimentation in order to define the area of RPL22e which is necessary for interaction with microtubules. Also movements of full-length RPL22e along microtubules were observed using total internal reflection fluorescence microscopy (TIRF).Also I carried out three term projects during my undergraduate studies. In my first project I studied phylogeny of CIRBP (cold-inducible RNA-binding protein) among vertebrates, using bioinformatics methods of sequence alignment and building phylogenetic trees. In the second project I was building a hierarchical database for cellular receptors-biomarkers of glioma. In the third project I was establishing primary cell cultures from glioma specimens and obtaining stem cell neurospheres that subsequently were immunostained for several stem cells markers in order to study differentiation of cells within them. "

 

[Tarheel]

I made a couple of minor changes in the text.

" I was engaged in work on my diploma project for 8 months. The project involved studies of interactions of a ribosomal protein L22e (RPL22e) with microtubules. These studies are important for our understanding of so-called diffusive interactions between proteins and microtubules. In order to achieve this, gene engineering methods such as PCR, restriction, ligation, and transformation were used to express RPL22e and its truncated variants with fluorescent tags in bacteria. Then proteins were purified on a column with Ni-NTA agarose with subsequent dialysis. Interactions of the purified truncated proteins with microtubules were analyzed using co-sedimentation in order to define the area of RPL22e, which is necessary for interaction with microtubules. Also movements of full-length RPL22e along microtubules were observed using total internal reflection fluorescence microscopy (TIRF). Also I carried out three term projects during my undergraduate studies. In my first project I studied phylogeny of CIRBP (cold-inducible RNA-binding protein) among vertebrates, using bioinformatics methods of sequence alignment and building phylogenetic trees. In the second project I was building a hierarchical database for cellular receptors-biomarkers of glioma. In the third project I was establishing primary cell cultures from glioma specimens and obtaining stem cell neurospheres that subsequently were immunostained for several stem cells markers in order to study differentiation of cells within them. "

Please note the changes I made. I hope you agree with them, because it hurt my head to read that.
;-)

 

[Belato]

Tarheel, finally I have noticed the comma. Thank you.


I have one more question... Does this highlighted phrase look good? I need some synonym to "knowledge".

" Another important point for me is that NNN unites diverse laboratories. So I would be able to communicate with different researchers, learn what problems they are solving and what they have discovered, thereby extending my own awareness. I believe that dialogue between various research fields is essential for the overall progress. "

 

[tedmc]

keeping abreast of developments in the field?

not a teacher

 

[Tarheel]

Tarheel, finally I have noticed the comma. Thank you.


I have one more question... Does this highlighted phrase look good? I need a synonym for "knowledge".

" Another important point for me is that NNN unites diverse laboratories. So I would be able to communicate with different researchers, learn what problems they are working on and what they have discovered, thereby increasing my awareness of developments in the field. I believe that dialogue between various research fields is essential for for solving important problems."

You simply can't talk about awareness (except in a neurological context) without mentioning what that awareness is about. Thus, you would say: awareness of. Similarly, "progress" doesn't normally stand on its own. You have to talk about progress in the medical field, for example. Overall, you are doing quite well. (It's hard for me to find errors.)


P.S. You can always find synonyms at dictionary.com.