Please help me improve the email. Thanks.

[chowbarry]

Please help me improve the email. Thank you.

Dear Ms Watson,

In response to your email dated 6 June 2024, I would like to elaborate our findings and suggestions point by point.

First, I regret to inform you that we have thoroughly checked our booking system, but didn't find any enrollments for the activity relating to you.

Second, you stated that you failed to enrol in the activity on our booking system. Acvording to our experience, it was probably caused by users' unfamiliarity with our newly-launched booking system and indeed since the activity you tried to book is a group activity, an account user like you, must be the prime applicant and must select the rest of the participating members who are qualified from a ‘’friend list‘’, after filling in the order of preference for the activity.

Also, all the members must follow the same order of preference when enrolling in the activity. For your easy reference, we have attached a leaflet showing the completed booking procedure for the group activity as below.

Third, the activity will be advanced to balloting stage on 21 June 2024 and after that, vacancies are likely to be released as somebody decide not to take up the offer and consequently you are still able to book the remaining places on first in first served basis.

Fourth, if you are still unable to book the activity after balloting stage, you may consider to book the same kind of activity to be held at our headquarter on 18 August 2024.

Should you have any other questions, please feel free to contact me during office hours. Thank you.

 

[teechar]

Dear Ms Watson,

In response to your email dated 6 June 2024, I would like to elaborate on our findings and suggestions, point by point.

First, I regret to inform you that we have thoroughly checked our booking system, but didn't find any enrollments for the activity relating to you.

Second, you stated that you failed to enrol in the activity on our booking system. According to our experience, it that was probably caused by users' unfamiliarity with our newly launched booking system, and indeed since the activity you tried to book is a group activity, an account user like you, must be the prime applicant and must select the rest of the participating members who are qualified from a ‘’friend list‘’, after filling in the order of preference for the activity.

Also, all the members must follow the same order of preference when enrolling in the activity. For your easy reference, we have attached a leaflet showing the completed entire booking procedure for the group activity as below.

Third, the activity will be advanced to the balloting stage on 21 June 2024 and after that, vacancies are likely to be released as if somebody decides not to take up the offer and consequently you are still able to book the remaining places on first-in-first-served basis.

Fourth, if you are still unable to book the activity after the balloting stage, you may consider to can try booking the same kind of activity to be held at our headquarters on 18 August 2024.

Should you have any other questions, please feel free to contact me during office hours. Thank you.

 

[emsr2d2]

Whilst it's admirable that you want to deal with all of Ms Watson's points one by one, this letter seems to be a rather long-winded way of saying:

Dear Ms Watson

Further to your email of 6 June, I regret to inform you that we can find no trace of a booking in your name.
We have recently launched a new online booking system. I have attached a leaflet detailing the new method of booking.

After reading that, if you have any questions, feel free to contact me during office hours.

Yours [sincerely]

[Your name]

(PS - I'm more familiar with "a first come, first served basis".)