[Grammar] Please check is it correct

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dkqmail

Junior Member
Joined
Mar 22, 2012
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Student or Learner
Native Language
Polish
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Poland
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Poland
Hi,
Could you please check and correct my writing?
Does my text sound natural, if no, how can I fix it?

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In 2013, [..] received his B.Eng. degree in Computer Science with specialization in Network Engineering form The Hague University of Applied Sciences, Hague, Netherlands. During his engineering project, he prepared the design of wired and wireless network infrastructure and developed the new architectural plans of the building with the plotted infrastructure of the designed computer network.

He possesses a wide array of skills and specialized knowledge in the design, implementation, management and maintenance of fully redundant high available fault tolerant network architectures, of both the wired and wireless connections. He is specialist in design and develop a scalable low-cost and high-performance network infrastructure. He has the ability to develop procedures and solutions that improve network disaster recovery and business continuity.

In addition to his academic activities, he conducted research focused on design, implementation and operation of novel algorithm using artificial intelligence. Within the framework of his research he developed two solutions and presented their result in his two scientific publications.

His main research interests are in communication theory, high availability network, infrastructure network for industry.
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Thank you in advance.
 
Could you please check and correct my writing?
Does my text sound natural? If not, how can I fix it?

---
In 2013, [..] received his B.Eng. degree in Computer Science with specialization in Network Engineering[STRIKE] form[/STRIKE] from The Hague University of Applied Sciences, Hague, Netherlands. [STRIKE]During[/STRIKE] While carrying out his engineering project, he prepared the design of wired and wireless network infrastructure and [STRIKE]developed the[/STRIKE] incorporated it into the [STRIKE]new[/STRIKE] architectural plans of the building w[STRIKE]ith the plotted infrastructure of the designed computer network.[/STRIKE] (I do not think a computer engineer would be able to do architectural plans)

He possesses a wide array of skills and specialized knowledge in the design, implementation, management and maintenance of fully redundant high-[STRIKE]available[/STRIKE]availability fault-tolerant network architectures, of both the wired and wireless connections. He is [STRIKE]specialist[/STRIKE] specialised in design and developed a scalable low-cost and high-performance network infrastructure. He has the ability to develop procedures and solutions that improve network disaster recovery and business continuity.

In addition to his academic activities, he conducted research focused on design, implementation and operation of novel algorithm using artificial intelligence. Within the framework of his research he developed two solutions and presented their result in his two scientific publications.

His main research interests are in communication theory, high-availability network, infrastructure network for industry.
---

Thank you [STRIKE]in advance[/STRIKE].

not a teacher
 
Last edited by a moderator:
I don't like "... he prepared the design of ...". Why not just use "... he designed ..."?

In addition, grammatically, your title should have been either "Please check if it is correct" or "Please check. Is it correct?" In fact, your title should have included some or all of the words involved (as per the forum guidelines). A good title would have been "In 2013, XXX received his B. Eng degree ..."
 
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