part of an essay about tourism.

[saloom2]

Hello everyone,

I wrote an essay about tourism, and my tutor read it. he told me afterwards that part has no problems, but I guess it's unnatural. I would like to red your comments.

Tourists spend millions of hard currency providing employment and a tax base for reinvestment in infrastructure. Since hospitality jobs require some education, governments cultivating tourism tend to develop primary education, too. Also, it's an outstanding way to highlight the beauty of one's place as well as gaining the world's interest in it.


I appreciate your work. Thanks.

 

[emsr2d2]

Hello everyone,

I wrote an essay about tourism (no comma required) and my tutor read it. He told me afterwards that part has no problems, but I guess it's unnatural. I would like to read your comments.

Tourists spend millions of hard currency providing employment and a tax base for reinvestment in infrastructure. Since hospitality jobs require some education, governments cultivating tourism tend to develop primary education, too. Also, it's an outstanding way to highlight the beauty of one's place as well as gaining the world's interest in it.


I appreciate your work. Thanks.

Why do you think it's unnatural if your tutor told you there were no problems?

 

[saloom2]

Actually, he isn't a native speaker as well as not reading my articles that well. So, just for emphasis.

 

[emsr2d2]

Actually, he isn't a native speaker as well as not reading my articles that well. So, just for emphasis.

Ah, that explains it. I thought it was a little odd that he had told you there were no problems with your paragraph.

Tourists spend millions of [strike]hard currency[/strike] dollars/pounds/yen etc providing employment and a tax base for reinvestment in infrastructure. Since hospitality jobs require [strike]some[/strike] a certain level of education, governments cultivating tourism tend to develop primary education (no comma required) too. Also, it's an outstanding way to highlight the beauty of [strike]one's[/strike] a place/country/city as well as [strike]gaining[/strike] attracting the world's interest in it.

I have made some amendments above. However, I'm not really sure what your first sentence means. When tourists spend money, they don't do it in order to provide employment and to provide a tax base for reinvestment in infrastructure (whatever that last part means). Tourists spend money to have a good time. The fact that jobs are created etc is a side-effect of the tourists spending their money.

We don't say "millions of hard currency". You either need to specify the actual currency or just say "Tourists spend millions providing employment" (bear in mind my previous comments about the fact that they don't provide​ employment).

 

[saloom2]

Well, I mean tourists spend money to have a good time. That money is used to provide employment and a tax base. How should I write it?