[Essay] paint the scenery

[contiluo]

Please help me correct the errors of the paragraph. Thanks!

Ming-ting and her classmates took a bus to the zoo last weekend. On the bus, one of them was listening to the music, while two of them were playing cards, and the others were singing the songs happily. Soon after, they arrived at the zoo. In the zoo, they took photos with the elephant, shook hands with the monkey, and painted the scenery in the zoo. They also interacted/played with many animals. After playing in the zoo, they enjoyed their meal in a fast food restaurant. They ordered lots of Cokes, fries, and hamburgers. They talked and laughed about funny things which happened on that day. What a nice day!

 

[emsr2d2]

Your member profile shows that you are an English teacher so you should be able to correct any errors (if there are any) yourself.

 

[tedmc]

Ming-ting and her classmates [STRIKE]took a bus[/STRIKE] went to the zoo last weekend. They took a bus to get there. On the bus, one of them was listening to[STRIKE] the[/STRIKE] music, while two of them were playing cards, and the others were singing [STRIKE]the songs[/STRIKE] happily. Soon after, they arrived at the zoo. In the zoo, they took photos with the elephants, shook hands with the monkeys, and [STRIKE]painted the scenery in the zoo[/STRIKE] did some painting of scenes in the zoo. They also [STRIKE]interacted/[/STRIKE]played with many animals. After [STRIKE]playing in[/STRIKE] visiting the zoo, they [STRIKE]enjoyed their[/STRIKE] had an enjoyable meal in a fast food restaurant. They ordered lots of Coke[STRIKE]s[/STRIKE], fries, and hamburgers. They talked and laughed about the funny things[STRIKE] which happened[/STRIKE] [STRIKE]on[/STRIKE] they did that day. What a nice day they had!

 

[Tarheel]

Perhaps:

One of them listened to music, two of them played cards, and the rest sang songs.

 

[tedmc]

Perhaps:

One of them listened to music, two of them played cards, and the rest sang songs.

Yes, there is no reason to use the past continuous tense there.

 

[emsr2d2]

So did no one else think that contiluo should have been able to make those corrections himself/herself?

 

[Tarheel]

Surely an English teacher would have no trouble doing that.

 

[emsr2d2]

Exactly my point in post #2!

 

[Tarheel]

Finally, I would say:

What a day!

OR

What a day they had!

 

[Tarheel]

That was fun!

 

[tedmc]

Finally, I would say:

What a day!

OR

What a day they had!

I know native speakers would not say "nice" even though they mean it in the context. ;-)

 

[tedmc]

Surely an English teacher would have no trouble doing that.

I think OP would not have posted it if he/she had no trouble at all.

 

[emsr2d2]

I agree but the OP had made absolutely no attempt to correct it, nor did he/she explain which specific parts were causing problems.