[Grammar] One day, as I was walking from the office

[korishivu]

One day, as I was walking from the office on the side of the street. I saw that the street was full of vehicles and people. The people looked tired and sad. I was also tired because hard work in the office. I saw a flower shop on the right side of the street and the flower shop was full with different types of colorful and fresh flowers, these flowers were reduced my tiredness.
In that moment I was realized that I had an empty vase at home, checked pocket to buy flowers and there was some money left in the pocket and these monies were enough to buy flowers. I decided to buy flowers to my vase, but I was very confused to choose flower colors because all flowers were looking great and fresh, I was felt if I rich I would buy all flowers.

 

[emsr2d2]

Korishivu, I have moved your thread to the Editing and Writing Topics section. I have also changed the title so that it is specific to this thread. Titles should include some/all of the words/phrases you are asking us to help with. In addition, a title such as "Correct my story" is unhelpful and, in the absence of "please", impolite.

 

[korishivu]

Sorry, I will keep this in mind in the future.

 

[emsr2d2]

In your other thread, you said that the purpose of this essay is that you are "learning English". I realise that but it did not answer my specific question - what are you going to do with this story when it is correct? When are you going to submit it to your English teacher/tutor?

 

[Tarheel]

Perhaps:

One day, as I was walking to the subway from the office, I noticed that the people passing by looked tired and sad.

In the original, you seem to have put the pedestrians in the street with the vehicular traffic. Not safe!

Please space between paragraphs.

I can't help you anymore until you answer Ems' question.

 

[korishivu]

Thanks Tarheel,
I will do that one and also if you find any grammar mistake, please correct me.

 

[korishivu]

Hi emsr2d2,


I am trying to write below story in my own words. I need someone to correct me when am wrong.


1. When it completes I don't do anything with this story.
2. When you correct me if am wrong in above paragraphs. I will write the remaining part and when it completes it will be in this thread only.

I am trying to improve my English Grammar.

 

[Tarheel]

Thanks Tarheel,
I will do that one and also if you find any grammar mistake, please correct me.

Okay, but I would not be correcting you. I would be correcting your mistakes. Big difference!

 

[Tarheel]

I will look at it some more in the morning. Bedtime!

 

[Tarheel]

Say:

I was also tired because I had been working hard at the office.

 

[Tarheel]

Perhaps:

I saw a flower shop, and the flower shop was full of colorful, fresh flowers. As I looked at the flowers, the tiredness left me.

New paragraph!

 

[Tarheel]

Second paragraph. Try:

At that moment it occurred to me that I had an empty vase at home. I checked my pockets to see if I had enough money to buy flowers.

You expected to be able to buy roses (or whatever) with pocket change?

 

[Tarheel]

Say:

I decided to buy flowers for my vase, but I couldn't decide what to get. They all looked so very very good.

 

[Tarheel]

Say:

I felt that if I were rich I would buy all the flowers.

Okay!

 

[korishivu]

Thanks Tarheel