I am appealing because + reason
There's no space for anything- what will make something stand out is the quality of the reason and no more IMO. All they're looking for is a simple clear reason; if it's a genuine reason and one they recognise, they will take the process forwards. If not, they will reject it. If they give a list of the reasons that are grounds for an appeal, use their wording. If, as you say, there are countless other letters, they want the minimum, not the long sad story, so the can decide to put the letter in a pile of accepted and rejected. Then, if accepted, they can look at the details of the case.
Here is a sample of my appeal. I wrote it and then my friend helped me revise it. Here the original that I wrote:
My studies at school was really bad. There are many reasons why I couldn’t meet my minimum scores. I will only list a few of them. One I have a heart condition. The medicine I used for my heart has an side effect. The medicine make me feel weak and tired. After I graduated from high school I have stopped taking the medicine because it makes me loose focus at school. Where I went to school? Tthe teachers put me in special eds class.Where he or she can help me with my studies. Then after a while I took a year off from school and went back to it. Then I did kinda better on my own.
The second problem that I have was a hearing problem. After a while I had to wear to an hearing at to different places to help me hear better. When I had the hearing aid on I did better at school. It helps me block out the other sounds and listen to the sounds that the teacher is telling us. Then after a while I took it off because my class mates was making fun off me. Then toward the end of my high school I graduated with a low average.
The things that I plan to do to be a college successful student is to study hard on my own. Wear my hearing aid at all times. I also will block out my activity levels to study hard in my classes.
And here is my friend's revise for me:
Dear admission committee,
Here are two reasons why I could not meet the minimum scores and did poorly in school: heart condition and hearing problem. I am born with an abnormal heart and I have been taking medicine through all my life. The medicine itself has a lot of side effects including weakness and fatigue. During high school years, the teachers put me in special eds class so they can help me with my studies. After I graduated from high school, I have stopped taking the medicine because it makes me off focus at school. I have done a little better on my own after a year off from school.
The second problem that I have is hearing problem. In the past, I had to wear a hearing aid to different places to help me hear better. I did better at school on the days I had my hearing aid because it helps blocking out other sounds and allows me to hear better on what the teacher is telling us. Toward the end of my high school year. I had to take it off because I could not tolerate my friend's derision and resulted me graduated with a low average.
In order to be a successful college student, I plan to study extremely hard on my own and additional helps from school, wearing my hearing aid at all times and blocks out my other extracurricular activities and dedicates myself to school alone.
Lam Tsang
03/13/2010