[Essay] need help for my TOEFL Speaking Section

[DanChou]

Here are the script for one question of TOEFLibt Speaking section. I do not have many chance talking to native English speaker, so I want to know if there are any problems in my speaking script.
Question:
Describe the process you learn a new thing, and how do you overcome the difficulty while learning.

Script:
I want to talk about experience of Java Learning. Before I set off to learn it, I consulted students in elder grade about what should be given attention to, and what material or textbooks is good and what mistakes are often seen during their study. This later proved to be very effective. With their help, I learned very fast. However, I still committed some mistakes and met problems when I set out to learning. At that moment, I usually have a review of what I have gone so far, and check out the reason to that problem. Typically, it always turns out I didn't grasp some core details or concept. After some adjustments are made, the problems can be overcome.


Thank you a lot

 

[5jj]

Question:
Describe the process you learn a new thing, and how do you overcome the difficulty while learning.

Where did you find this question? The English is unnatural.

 

[blueskyenglish]

My revision of your work is attached. However, here is the revised text with my amends taken into consideration.

I wish to talk about my experience of learning Java. Before I began to learn it, I consulted higher-grade students about what I should concentrate on, what material or textbooks are good and what mistakes they have seen during their study. This proved to be very effective later on. With their help, I learned very fast. However, I still made some mistakes and met problems when I set out to learn. When that happened I reviewed what I had done so far, and checked out the reasons why. Typically it often turned out that I didn't grasp some core details or concepts, but when adjustments were made, problems were overcome.

 

[DanChou]

Where did you find this question? The English is unnatural.

Oh,sorry,my friend asked me the question in Chinese, and I later translated it into English.I am sorry for my poor tanslation.

 

[DanChou]

My revision of your work is attached. However, here is the revised text with my amends taken into consideration.

I wish to talk about my experience of learning Java. Before I began to learn it, I consulted higher-grade students about what I should concentrate on, what material or textbooks are good and what mistakes they have seen during their study. This proved to be very effective later on. With their help, I learned very fast. However, I still made some mistakes and met problems when I set out to learn. When that happened I reviewed what I had done so far, and checked out the reasons why. Typically it often turned out that I didn't grasp some core details or concepts, but when adjustments were made, problems were overcome.

Thank you very much, I think your amends are very helpful for non-native speaker like me. I will work harder on my spoken English.