[General] ...my heart entangled...

[rodgers white]

For me, poetry is an art form that allows the artist to combine both poetry and a visual work of art within a single art piece. Words and paintings are a perfect combination to provide a snapshot into our minds and thoughts. Would you please proofread my sentences and share what you imagine when you look at the painting? Any help would be appreciated. Here are the words and the painting.

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How ridiculous that I spent the whole day lost in thought, my heart entangled by someone I've neither seen nor met.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

We usually say entangled with or entangled in, but that might not quite fit your meaning.

So you might either rephrase or find a different verb.

 

[rodgers white]

So what about now：

How ridiculous that I spent the whole day lost in thought, my heart entangled with someone I've neither seen nor met.

Is there any room for improvement, or do you any other suggestions?

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

That's good. You're there!