[Essay] ...moved the diaphragm...

[rodgers white]

Hi there. Would you please proofread the following text? Any help would be appreciated.

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A few days later, Weifeng and Laohu came over to Jiang’s where he had his clinic for Weifeng’s examination. After asking her some questions to help diagnose her physical condition, he retrieved a box with an old-style stethoscope inside from a shelf on which was many medical instruments. The stethoscope looked the same as the Yu Gu Ren healers used but, was enhanced, by Shan Gu De Ren technology and it could pick up sounds beyond the capability of the Yu Gu Ren version.

Jiang said, “Just sit as still as you can, so that we can listen to your baby’s heartbeat.”

Weifeng did as Jiang wanted and then asked, “Is that tube long enough for me to listen as well? ”

Jiang smiled. “Yes, daughter, it is, but let me find the right place first.”

Jiang placed the diaphragm of the stethoscope on Weifeng’s belly, moving it to various places. Each time he paused to listen. After a short time, Jingying noticed he was only moving it between two positions. “Listen to this.” He said to Jingying.

Jingying put the ear tips into her ears. Jiang moved the diaphragm from one place to another and then mouthed the words. “How did you know?”

Weifeng became impatient. “It’s my stomach, let me listen.”

Jiang looked at Weifeng. “Before you listen, I should tell you both what you’re hearing. Daughter, son, it seems you are having twins.”

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

Hi there. Would you please proofread the following text? Any help would be appreciated.

*********************************************************************
A few days later, Weifeng and Laohu came over to Jiang’s, where he had his clinic for Weifeng’s examination. After asking her some questions to help diagnose her physical condition, he retrieved a box with an old-style stethoscope inside from a shelf with many medical instruments. The stethoscope looked the same as the ones Yu Gu Ren healers used but, was enhanced[STRIKE],[/STRIKE] by Shan Gu De Ren technology and [STRIKE]it[/STRIKE] could pick up sounds beyond the capability of the Yu Gu Ren version.

Jiang said, “Just sit as still as you can, so that we can listen to your baby’s heartbeat.”

Weifeng did as Jiang wanted and then asked, “Is that tube long enough for me to listen as well? ”

Jiang smiled. “Yes, daughter, it is, but let me find the right place first.”

Jiang placed [STRIKE]the diaphragm of[/STRIKE] the stethoscope on Weifeng’s belly, moving it to various places. Each time, he paused to listen. After a short time, Jingying noticed he was only moving it between two positions. “Listen to this.” He said to Jingying.

Jingying put the ear tips into her ears. Jiang moved the diaphragm from one place to another and then mouthed [STRIKE]the words[/STRIKE], “How did you know?”

1. Are you sure you want mouthed and not said? Were the words silent?

2. Weifeng asked for the stethoscope. So why did Jiang give it to Jingying instead?

Weifeng became impatient. “It’s my stomach, let me listen.”

Jiang looked at Weifeng. “Before you listen, I should tell you both what you’re hearing. Daughter, son, it seems you are having twins.”

There you go!

 

[rodgers white]

There you go!

1. Are you sure you want mouthed and not said? Were the words silent?

When I use ' mouthed the words', I mean Jiang formed those words with his lips without making any sound.

2. Weifeng asked for the stethoscope. So why did Jiang give it to Jingying instead?

Jingying served as a kind of nurse there. Jiang gave the stethoscope to her to make sure of his diagnosis.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

1. Are you sure you want mouthed and not said? Were the words silent?

When I use ' mouthed the words', I mean Jiang formed those words with his lips without making any sound.

Okay, then that's fine.

2. Weifeng asked for the stethoscope. So why did Jiang give it to Jingying instead?

Jingying served as a kind of nurse there. Jiang gave the stethoscope to her to make sure of his diagnosis.

Oh! It seemed odd that one person asked for it and another person got it.

On you go!

 

[rodgers white]

Oh! It seemed odd that one person asked for it and another person got it. On you go!

You are right. It's a bit odd. Maybe I should write: Jiang smiled. “Yes, daughter, it is, but let me find the right place and make sure first.”

By the way, as for the sentence 'A few days later, Weifeng and Laohu came over to Jiang’s, where he had his clinic for Weifeng’s examination.', I think another comma is needed after the word 'clinic' to avoid the misunderstanding: ..., where he had his clinic,... I mean that "Jiang's" here means the place where he set up his clinic. Is that right? Is it acceptable?

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

You are right. It's a bit odd. Maybe I should write: Jiang smiled. “Yes, daughter, it is, but let me find the right place and make sure first.”

By the way, as for the sentence 'A few days later, Weifeng and Laohu came over to Jiang’s, where he had his clinic for Weifeng’s examination.', I think another comma is needed after the word 'clinic' to avoid the misunderstanding: ..., where he had his clinic,... I mean that "Jiang's" here means the place where he set up his clinic. Is that right? Is it acceptable?

Yes. Put a comma after clinic. It needs it. Thanks!

 

[Tarheel]

The baby is not in her stomach.

 

[rodgers white]

The baby is not in her stomach.

It's just a kind of humor, I think.:-D Anyway, you are right. It is a bit awkward. Maybe "It's my baby" would be better.