Motivation Letter for Masters. Please read and let me know corrections.

rajvar67

New member
Joined
Jun 1, 2024
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Student or Learner
Native Language
Kannada
Home Country
India
Current Location
India
below is my letter content:

I wish to apply for the Master of Business Administration program in Financial Management at xxxxxxx starting in October 2024.

I graduated with a Bachelor’s degree in Business Management in 2014 from XXXX University in India, where I was awarded a sports scholarship. During my studies, I attended seminars and workshops on capital markets and personal finance, enhancing my understanding of financial markets and their importance in our country. In my final semester, I completed a project titled “A Study on Stock Market Volatility of Selected MNCs in India.” This project, along with my academic achievements, helped me secure a position at a leading investment management firm.

I have nine years of work experience in the financial industry, working with large investment management firms in middle and back office roles and their software service providers. These roles have given me the opportunity to delve deeply into the complexities of financial markets and motivated me to pursue and earn the Chartered Financial Analyst (CFA) and Financial Risk Manager (FRM) certifications.

Currently, I am employed at XXXXX., an investment management software provider, where I work closely with product developers in developing a new financial product features, enhancement and bug fixing. This role provides the insights into the outlook of the investment management industry and the future looks promising due to significant growth prospects.

From the above experiences, I have gained significant knowledge in financial products and the technical domain. But I have also realized that if I want to move up in my career, I need to take on more complex projects and work closely with senior management. This means I need to improve my leadership abilities and learn more about the process of making critical decisions.

To bridge this gap in my profile, I decided to pursue a master's program in a developed country. This is because it offers access to high-quality education and cutting-edge research opportunities, along with the chance to experience a diverse cultural environment and build a global professional network.

When I was looking for a Master's degree that enhances my leadership skills while also focusing specifically on finance, I came across Master of Business Administration program in Financial Management at XXX in CountryName. I was intrigued by the program brochure, particularly the statement: “We believe that academic education at XXX University is not limited to a classroom environment, but also happens off campus. Hence, we try to expose and connect our students to the real world on a variety of levels.

What’s more compelling to me is the international nature of the program, the Bloomberg Lab, the 20-week internship at a listed company, and the field trips and academic excursions that bridge theory and practice. With these activities being an integral part of the curriculum, I believe they are key to enhancing students’ networking abilities and creating memorable experiences.

After completing this Master's program, I aim to work with a dynamic financial organization, where I can apply my practical and theoretical expertise to lead complex projects and advance to senior roles within the industry. In my early 40s, I would like to start a service-based company focused on investment advisory and wealth management in my country. Although I have some ideas, I haven't yet had the right framework to put them into practice. This is why I believe this Master's program would be an excellent starting point for me.

Additionally, I love sports and won a gold medal at the All India Inter-University Kho-Kho championship. I regularly participate in marathons in my city and play football with my group on weekends. I also train young kids in football and fitness during the weekends. These activities have taught me discipline, teamwork, and perseverance, which I incorporate into my daily life. Cooking and trying new dishes is another hobby of mine. All these activities help me stay fit and keep my mind fresh.

Finally, the quote that drives my passion for continuous learning is: “When you cease to learn, you cease to grow”. Over the past few months, I have been learning programming languages as technology is evolving rapidly in the financial sector, and I am really enjoying the journey.

Thank you for considering my application. I look forward to the opportunity to discuss my candidacy further.
 
Hi there,
1- What is the word limit for that letter?
2- Which areas/points were you asked to cover?
3- Is there a URL (link) that outlines the requirements?
4- What is the submission deadline?
 
hi,
1) there is no mention about word limit, just asked for motivation to study this masters program
2) no mention about this too
3) no such link
4) two weeks from now
 
Hi.
1) There is no mention about of a word limit; it just asked for my motivation to study this Masters program.
2) There is no mention about of this too either.
3) I have no such link.
4) The deadline is two weeks from now.
Please get into the habit of using correct capitalisation and always write in complete sentences. I assume the Masters program is going to be in English so it's good to get into these habits now.
 
ESL learners often have trouble with "too" and "either". One thing that is important to know is that "either" does not mean "in addition". As for corrections, I would start with the title of this one.
 
I wish to apply for the Master of Business Administration program in Financial Management at xxxxxxx starting in October 2024.

I graduated with a bachelor’s degree in Business Management in 2014 from XXXX University in India, where I was awarded a sports scholarship. During my studies, I attended seminars and workshops on capital markets and personal finance, enhancing my understanding of financial markets and their importance in our country. In my final semester, I completed a project titled “A Study on Stock Market Volatility of Selected MNCs in India.” This project, along with my academic achievements, helped me secure a position at a leading investment management firm.

I have nine years of work experience in the financial industry, working with large investment management firms in middle and back office roles and with their software service providers. This These roles have given me the opportunity to delve deeply into the complexities of financial markets and motivated me to pursue and earn the Chartered Financial Analyst (CFA) and Financial Risk Manager (FRM) certifications.

Currently, I am employed at XXXXX., an investment management software provider, where I work closely with product developers in developing a on new financial product features, enhancements and bug fixes. ing. This role provides the insights into the outlook of the investment management industry and the future looks promising due to significant growth prospects.

From the above experiences, I have gained significant knowledge in financial products and the technical domain, but I have also realized that if I want to move up am to progress in my career, I need to take on more complex projects and work closely with senior management. This means I need to improve my leadership abilities and learn more about the process of making critical decisions.

To bridge this gap in my profile, I decided to pursue a master's program in a developed country . This is because it offers to access to high-quality education and cutting-edge research opportunities, along with the chance to experience a diverse cultural environment and build a global professional network.

When I was looking for a Master's degree that enhances my leadership skills while also focusing specifically on finance, I came across Master of Business Administration program in Financial Management at XXX in CountryName . I was intrigued and I am impressed by the program brochure, particularly the statement: “We believe that academic education at XXX University is not limited to a classroom environment, but also happens off campus. Hence, we try to expose and connect our students to the real world on a variety of levels.

What’s more compelling to me is I also find the international nature of the program, the Bloomberg Lab, the 20-week internship at a listed company, and the field trips and academic excursions that bridge theory and practice quite appealing. With these activities being an integral part of the curriculum, I believe they are key to enhancing students’ networking abilities and creating memorable experiences.

After completing this master's program, I aim to work with a dynamic financial organization, where I can apply my practical and theoretical expertise to lead complex projects and advance to senior roles within the industry. In my early 40s, I would like to start a service-based company focused on investment advice advisory and wealth management in my country. Although I have some ideas, I haven't have not yet had the right framework to put them into practice. This is why I believe this master's program would be an excellent starting point for me.

Additionally, I love sports and I won a gold medal at the All India Inter-University Kho-Kho championship. I regularly participate in marathons in my city and play football with my group on weekends. I also train young kids in football and fitness during the weekends. These activities have taught me discipline, teamwork, and perseverance, which I incorporate into my daily life. Cooking and trying new dishes is another hobby of mine. All these activities help me stay fit and keep my mind fresh.

Finally, the quote that drives my passion for continuous learning is: “When you cease to learn, you cease to grow”. Over the past few months, I have been learning programming languages as technology is evolving rapidly in the financial sector, and I am really enjoying the journey.

Thank you for considering my application. I look forward to the opportunity to discuss my candidacy further.
.
 
I do not, of course, know how long it took, but @teechar put a lot of work into that. I hope you give him credit.

(I thought of suggesting a different title for this thread, but I decided to let you think of a different title.)
 
A lot of corrections! Thank you @teechar

Question on the capitalisation of M in Masters. @emsr2d2 capitalised the M in the previous comment. However, it's not in your corrections. Which one is correct?
 
If it's not part of an actual title, then it's unnecessary to capitalize it.
 
@rajvar67 Question. How would you say "Please read and let me know corrections" in English?
 
Where is "let me know corrections" an English phrase?
 
Where is "let me know corrections" an English phrase?
I didn't say it was but you can't say that the title isn't written in English. It's not correct English but that wasn't mentioned.
 

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