[Essay] ...mostly accepting of...

[rodgers white]

Hi there. Would you please proofread the following text? Any help would be appreciated.

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After talking with those that were now aware of Lanhua’s dream of the asteroids and also convinced that she had dreamed truth, they decided that it was time to inform the council of elders so that they could make preparations. The elders, though mostly accepting of Lanhua’s ability, were sceptical, it sounded too fantastic, and not just a simple dream about pregnancy or twins, so some argument ensued.

However, Leixi, the oldest of the elders, interjected. “Children!!!” The silence was immediate. “All this bickering gets us nowhere. The child’s skill is proved. We have been given a warning in good time, and I don’t plan on wasting it in pointless arguments.” The other elders now started talking calmly amongst themselves, and Leixi turned to Gan and Jiang who had presented the dream to the council.

“You two will be in charge of finding a place our two hundred and fifty-three villagers can safely stay when the time comes, choose your team but do not let the dream loose just yet, we have plenty of time before the rest need to know. I want some positive news to balance the bad, something that will rally them together, not set them apart.”

 

[tedmc]

Hi there. Would you please proofread the following text? Any help would be appreciated.

*********************************************************************

After talking with those that were now aware of Lanhua’s dream of the asteroids and also convinced that she had dreamed the truth, they decided that it was time to inform the council of elders so that they could make preparations. The elders, though mostly accepting of Lanhua’s ability, were sceptical, (comma splice) it sounded too fantastic, and not just a simple dream about pregnancy or twins, so [STRIKE]some[/STRIKE] an argument ensued.

However, Leixi, the oldest of the elders, interjected. “Children!!!” The silence was immediate. “All this bickering gets us nowhere. The child’s skill is proved. We have been given a warning in good time, and I don’t plan on wasting it in pointless arguments.” The other elders now started talking calmly amongst themselves, and Leixi turned to Gan and Jiang who had presented the dream to the council.

“You two will be in charge of finding a place for our two hundred and fifty-three villagers [STRIKE]can[/STRIKE] to safely stay when the time comes, (comma splice) choose your team but do not let the dream loose just yet, (comma splice) we have plenty of time before the rest need to know. I want some positive news to balance the bad, something that will rally them together, not set them apart.”

.

 

[rodgers white]

.

What about the following text now:

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After talking with those that were now aware of Lanhua’s dream of the asteroids and also convinced that she had dreamed the truth, they decided that it was time to inform the council of elders so that they couldmake preparations. The elders, though mostly accepting of Lanhua’s ability, were sceptical; it sounded too fantastic, and not just a simple dream about pregnancy or twins, so an argument ensued.

However, Leixi, the oldest of the elders, interjected. “Children!!!” The silence was immediate. “All this bickering gets us nowhere. The child’s skill is proved. We have been given a warning in good time, and I don’t plan on wasting it in pointless arguments.” The other elders now started talking calmly amongst themselves, and Leixi turned to Gan and Jiang who had presented the dream to the council.

“You two will be in charge of finding a place for our two hundred and fifty-three villagers to safely stay when the time comes. Choose your team but do not let the dream loose just yet; we have plenty of time before the rest need to know. I want some positive news to balance the bad, something that will rally them together, not set them apart.”

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Can anything be improved or do you have anything to share?

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

What about the following text now:

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After talking with those that were now aware of Lanhua’s dream of the asteroids and also convinced that she had dreamed the truth, they decided that it was time to inform the council of elders so that they could [space] make preparations. The elders, though mostly accepting of Lanhua’s ability, were sceptical. It sounded too fantastic, and not just a simple dream about pregnancy or twins, so an argument ensued.

However, Leixi, the oldest of the elders, interjected. “Children!” The silence was immediate. “All this bickering gets us nowhere. The child’s skill is proved. We have been given a warning in good time, and I don’t plan on wasting it in pointless arguments.” The other elders now started talking calmly amongst themselves, and Leixi turned to Gan and Jiang who had presented the dream to the council.

“You two will be in charge of finding a place for our [STRIKE]two hundred and fifty-three[/STRIKE] villagers to safely stay when the time comes. Choose your team, but do not tell the others about the dream just yet. We have plenty of time before the rest need to know. I want some positive news to balance the bad, something that will rally us together, not set us apart.”

*******************************************************************

Can anything be improved, or do you have anything to share?

That's what I'd do!

Although semicolons can be useful, they're also tiring for readers — what I think of as speed bumps. A period or comma is almost always stronger. I find I can go years without needing a semicolon.

Read a few hundred more books in English to get a feel for how they're used and not used.

It's controversial. Some noted writers, like novelist Kurt Vonnegut, insist that they never be used. That seems a little harsh. There it is on the keyboard. It must be for something!*

And it is. A hundred years ago, lots of writers cluttered their prose with the things. They're not as popular now. But they happen. So observe how (and how often) they're used in contemporary prose — magazines, books, newspapers, whatever.



* I could have written, There it is on the keyboard; it must be for something! But what meaning would a semicolon have added?**

** And I could have written something!!! But if writing is good, the degree of emphasis will be understood.***

*** I read yesterday that the combined !? actually has a name editors use. Oy. What next?

 

[rodgers white]

Got it. Thank you so much for your help. Could you recommend a book/a magazine/a newspaper that can help me with the punctuations？

To tell the truth, I don't want to hear someone say 'Oy, what a mess.' when he reads the text.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

Got it. Thank you so much for your help. Could you recommend a book/a magazine/a newspaper that can help me with the punctuations？

To tell the truth, I don't want to hear someone say 'Oy, what a mess.' when he reads the text.

Any basic grammar book will do it. I like Hacker's A Writer's Reference.

It's American, so some small things are different. We say period instead of full stop. And we put periods and commas inside quotation marks, even if they're not in the quote. (British: ". / American: .")

But mostly, we have the same practices.

 

[rodgers white]

What about this version now? Can anything be improved, or do you have something to share?

********************************************************************

After talking with those that were now aware of Lanhua’s dream of the asteroids and also convinced that she had dreamed the truth, they decided that it was time to inform the council of elders so that they could make preparations. The elders, though mostly accepting of Lanhua’s ability, were sceptical. It sounded too fantastic, and not just a simple dream about pregnancy or twins, so an argument ensued.

However, Leixi, the oldest of the elders, interjected. “Children!” The silence was immediate. “All this bickering gets us nowhere. The child’s skill is proved. We have been given a warning in good time, and I don’t plan on wasting it in pointless arguments.” The other elders now started talking calmly amongst themselves, and Leixi turned to Gan and Jiang who had presented the dream to the council.

“You two will be in charge of finding a place for our villagers to safely stay when the time comes. Choose your team, but do not tell the others about the dream just yet. We have plenty of time before the rest need to know. I want some positive news to balance the bad, something that will rally us together, not set us apart.”

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By the way, what is the best way to describe it if I have to put the number of villagers in the text because of the plot?

PS: I have found the book, the e-book not the paper book. Thank you for the recommendation. Recently I am reading the book 'Educated: A Memoir' and planning to read a sci-fi book next, could you recommend me one?

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

What about this version now? Can anything be improved, or do you have something to share?

********************************************************************

After talking with those that were now aware of Lanhua’s dream of the asteroids and also convinced that she had dreamed the truth, they decided that it was time to inform the council of elders so that they could make preparations. The elders, though mostly accepting of Lanhua’s ability, were sceptical. It sounded too fantastic, and not just a simple dream about pregnancy or twins, so an argument ensued.

However, Leixi, the oldest of the elders, interjected. “Children!” The silence was immediate. “All this bickering gets us nowhere. The child’s skill is proved. We have been given a warning in good time, and I don’t plan on wasting it in pointless arguments.” The other elders now started talking calmly amongst themselves, and Leixi turned to Gan and Jiang, who had presented the dream to the council.

The comma shows that you're not telling us which Gan and Jiang. There is only one of each.

“You two will be in charge of finding a place for our villagers to safely stay when the time comes. Choose your team, but do not tell the others about the dream just yet. We have plenty of time before the rest need to know. I want some positive news to balance the bad, something that will rally us together, not set us apart.”

******************************************************************************************
By the way, what is the best way to describe it if I have to put the number of villagers in the text because of the plot?

Put it where it's relevant. Put it where it matters. In that sentence, it didn't.

PS: I have found the book, the e-book, not the paper book. Thank you for the recommendation. Recently I am reading the book 'Educated: A Memoir' and planning to read a sci-fi book next. Could you recommend me one?

I can recommend a bunch! (And I'm sure others here can, too.)

If you like epics, try Dune.

If you like thrillers, try Sphere.

If you like outer-space adventure, try The Foundation Trilogy.

If you like modern American literature, try The Martian Chronicles.

If you like British classics, try The Time Machine.

If you like social fiction, try The Left Hand of Darkness.

If you like British humor, try A Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

If you like American humor, try Cat's Cradle.

If you like revolutions, try The Moon Is a Harsh Mistress.

If you're very familiar with the Jewish and Catholic religions and cultures, try A Canticle for Leibowitz.

 

[rodgers white]

Thank you very much for your corrections and explanations. As for the books you recommend, I will pick one and try to finish reading it. I like focusing on one book at a time. Maybe, Dune is a good choice. The book comes to your mind first is probably the one you love most and leaves the deepest impression on you. Thanks again for the response, I really appreciate your help.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

My favorites in the list are A Canticle for Leibowitz and Cat's Cradle. I was naming books I thought you might like. That's why I started each line with "If you like." I don't know what you like.

But if you like Star Wars, then Dune will be a lot of fun. Star Wars took a lot of ideas from it.

 

[rodgers white]

My favorites in the list are A Canticle for Leibowitz and Cat's Cradle. I was naming books I thought you might like. That's why I started each line with "If you like." I don't know what you like.

But if you like Star Wars, then Dune will be a lot of fun. Star Wars took a lot of ideas from it.

Got it. I will start with Dune and then read the rest two of your favorite books. If I have some questions while reading, I hope you can help me.

 

[Tarheel]

Got it. Thank you so much for your help. Could you recommend a book/a magazine/a newspaper that can help me with punctuation?

To tell the truth, I don't want to hear someone say 'Oy, what a mess!' when he reads the text.

1. Just read my writing. ;-)
2. I don't speak Yiddish, so don't worry.
;-)

P.S. I watched Dune on the SciFi channel.

 

[rodgers white]

1. Just read my writing. ;-)
2. I don't speak Yiddish, so don't worry.
;-)

P.S. I watched Dune on the SciFi channel.

Haha, I like your style of humor. By the way, thank you for reminding me the movie. I have found it. Maybe I can enjoy it this weekend.

 

[Tarheel]

Haha, I like your style of humor. By the way, thank you for reminding me of the movie. I have found it. Maybe I can enjoy it this weekend.

It's weird stuff.

 

[rodgers white]

It's weird stuff.

Of course, it is. That’s only one place where we can get clones, time travel, simulated realities, irradiated and irritated giant animals, and space fights and beyond. Anything’s possible in this creative nebula known as science fiction, out of which we get what we want and tell our fears as well as hopes.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

. . . I watched Dune on the SciFi channel.

I saw it when it was in the theaters. It was a lot of fun, but I don't think I'd have understood everything that was going on if I hadn't already read the book.

(To save you some time, Rodgers, no one has ever liked any of the book's sequels. So just read Dune.)

 

[rodgers white]

I saw it when it was in the theaters. It was a lot of fun, but I don't think I'd have understood everything that was going on if I hadn't already read the book.

(To save you some time, Rodgers, no one has ever liked any of the book's sequels. So just read Dune.)

Got you. Honestly, I don't think I understood everything was going on in the movie after I watched it last Saturday. Thank you for your advice. I'll just read Dune. Actually, I have already started reading it - looking for 'spice'.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

Got you. Honestly, I don't think I understood everything that was going on in the movie after I watched it last Saturday. Thank you for your advice. I'll just read Dune. Actually, I have already started reading it - looking for 'spice'.

As I recall, it'll turn your mouth blue—or your nose or something. But it's worth it!

I loved the worms.