Maria watched on TV her favourite actor

[Bassim]

Have I made any mistakes?

Maria watched on TV her favourite actor, John Hornby, and thought how handsome he was, but when she saw him suddenly in a supermarket, he looked even more handsome close up than on TV. Her heart started to race. "John, please, may I take a selfie with you?" she managed to say, stammering. The actor put a carton of milk in his basket and grinned at her. "Of course," he said. He smiled again when Maria took the selfie of the two of them. Then John asked her about her name, and what she was doing, and Maria couldn't believe her ears that the celebrity actor was interested in her life, and that he took his time to talk with her as if they had known each other for years. How down to earth he is, how kind, Maria thought as he watched him walking to the check-out. She couldn't wait to tell her friends what just happened to her.

 

[teechar]

Maria watched on TV her favourite actor, John Hornby, [1] and thought how handsome he was, but when she saw him suddenly [2] in a supermarket, he looked even more handsome close up than on TV. Her heart started to race. "John, please, may I take a selfie with you?" she managed to say, stammering. The actor put a carton of milk in his basket and grinned at her. "Of course," he said. He smiled again when Maria took the selfie of the two of them. Then John asked her about her name, and what she was doing, [2] and Maria couldn't believe her ears that the celebrity actor was interested in her life, and that he took his time to talk with her as if they had known each other for years. How down to earth he is, how kind, Maria thought as he watched him walking to the check-out. She couldn't wait to tell her friends what just happened to her.

I've underlined where to make changes.
1- Although it's not wrong where it is, "on TV" can be moved elsewhere in that sentence.
2- Those parts can be phrased in a better way.

 

[Bassim]

Would these sentences be OK?
1. Maria watched her favourite actor, John Hornby, on TV and thought how handsome he was, but when she suddenly saw him in a supermarket, he looked even more handsome close up than on TV.
2. Then John wondered what her name was and what she did in life, and Maria couldn't believe her ears that the celebrity actor was interested in her, and that he took the time to talk with her as if they had known each other for years. How down to earth he is, how kind, Maria thought as she watched him walking to the check-out.

 

[teechar]

Would these sentences be OK?
1. Maria watched her favourite actor, John Hornby, on TV and thought how handsome he was, but when she [STRIKE]suddenly saw[/STRIKE] bumped into him in a supermarket, he looked even more handsome close up than on TV.
2. Then John started chitchatting with her, [STRIKE]wondered what her name was and what she did in life,[/STRIKE] and Maria couldn't believe [STRIKE]her ears[/STRIKE] that the celebrity actor was interested in her, and that he took the time to talk with her as if they had known each other for years. How down to earth he is, how kind, Maria thought as she watched him walking to the check-out.

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