[Grammar] Letter Construction

[ranthrave]

Good Day Sir/Maam!

Can you pls help me on my letter below . I'll appreciate any constructive feedback

Many thanks
~R

In relation to Transformation Survey adopted by NU that measures the client economic and social development, the NU students will conduct a data validation to ensure the accuracy of data collected.

In line with this, NU students would like to inform your office that we will conduct our data validation at your areas of operation. As part of this validation, we will conduct a field visit, conduct an interview and gather photos among respondents. We are also seeking for your kind support to help us find the different respondents location since you are more familiar in your areas of operation.

 

[tedmc]

In relation to the Transformation Survey adopted by NU that measures the client's economic and social development, we, [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] NU students, will conduct a data validation to ensure the accuracy of data collected.

In line with this,[STRIKE] NU students[/STRIKE] we would like to inform your office that we will conduct our data validation at your areas of operation. As part of this validation exercise, we will conduct a field visit[STRIKE], conduct[/STRIKE] and an interview and gather photos [STRIKE]among[/STRIKE] from respondents. We [STRIKE]are also seeking for [/STRIKE] would like to seek your kind [STRIKE]support[/STRIKE] assistance to help us find the different locations of the respondents [STRIKE]location [/STRIKE]since you are more familiar [STRIKE]in[/STRIKE] with your areas of operation.

 

[ranthrave]

Just wanted to say thank you tedmc

I really appreciate it

 

[Tarheel]

The only thing I would have done differently is I would have said you instead of your office. (But what do I know?)

 

[emsr2d2]

[STRIKE]Good Day Sir/Maam![/STRIKE] "Good day" is unnecessarily formal and rather old-fashioned. Don't address us "Sir/Ma'am". This is not the army!

Can you [STRIKE]pls[/STRIKE] please help me [STRIKE]on[/STRIKE] with my letter below. [STRIKE]I'll[/STRIKE] I would appreciate any constructive feedback.

Many thanks.

See above.