Jim collapsed onto the bed.

[alpacinou]

Is this correct and natural?

Jim collapsed onto the bed. The hotel bed sheets smelled of cheap detergent. It had been a long flight. As he tried to fall sleep, the hum of the jet's engine rang in his ears. He was hovering close to sleep when faint sounds of a couple having sex in the next room woke him up.
The next morning, he got dressed and headed to the hotel's restaurant for breakfast. The door of the next room where the couple resided was wide open. Jim stopped in the corridor, staring into the room. The cloudy day seeped through the curtains, casting a grayish pall over the room. Two bodies were under the blanket, their entwining legs jutting out. He saw movement and then a woman emerged from under the blanket, her wavy hair disheveled. She titled her head and stared at Jim with vacant, green eyes.

 

[emsr2d2]

Is this correct and natural?

Jim collapsed onto the bed. The [STRIKE]hotel bed[/STRIKE] sheets smelled of cheap detergent. It had been a long flight. As he tried to fall asleep, the hum of the jet's engine still rang in his ears. He was hovering close to sleep when the faint sounds of a couple having sex in the next room woke him up. (If he was still "hovering close to sleep", he wasn't asleep so he couldn't have been woken up.)

The next morning, he got dressed and headed to the hotel's restaurant for breakfast. The door of the next room where [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] last night's amorous couple resided was wide open. Jim stopped in the corridor, staring into the room. The light of the cloudy day seeped through the curtains, casting a grayish pall over the room. Two bodies were under the blanket, their [STRIKE]entwining[/STRIKE] entwined legs jutting out. He saw a movement and then a woman emerged, [STRIKE]from under the blanket,[/STRIKE] her wavy hair disheveled. She [STRIKE]titled[/STRIKE] tilted her head and stared at Jim with vacant, green eyes.

emsr2d2

 

[alpacinou]

(If he was still "hovering close to sleep", he wasn't asleep so he couldn't have been woken up.)

What verb can I use instead of "wake"?

 

[emsr2d2]

... disturbed him?

 

[Tarheel]

It's unclear whether Jim ever got to sleep or not. Also, how did he justify (to himself) standing there and staring into their room?

 

[emsr2d2]

Also, how did he justify (to himself) standing there and staring into their room?

Human nature? ;-)

 

[Tdol]

I'd collapse into bed if I got under the covers, and onto if I lay on top of the covers.

 

[emsr2d2]

I'd collapse into bed if I got under the covers, and onto if I lay on top of the covers.

alpacinou, if you choose "into", don't use the article. If you meant "onto", you need the article.

 

[Tdol]

Thanks- good point. It was late at night and I was focused on prepositions more than articles.