Jane stepped on the balcony

[alpacinou]

Is this correct and natural?

Jane stepped on the balcony, gazing upward. Thin ribbons of clouds streaked the sky, backlit by the orange glow of the setting sun. She stumbled back to the bedroom and lay on the half-empty bed, her black hair splayed across the cream sheet. She sank into a reverie, reminiscing about her days with Patrick.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

Is this correct and natural?

Jane stepped onto the balcony and gazed upward. Thin ribbons of clouds streaked the sky, backlit by the orange glow of the setting sun. She stumbled back to the bedroom and lay on the half-empty bed, her black hair splayed across the cream sheet. She sank into a reverie, reminiscing about her days with Patrick.

First she stepped onto the balcony. Then she gazed upward.

 

[Tdol]

Half-empty bed- I'm not a fan- it doesn't express the person missing particularly well for me.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

Now that I think about it, this might be more natural: Jane stepped out on the balcony . . . .

 

[Yankee]

Half-empty bed- I'm not a fan- it doesn't express the person missing particularly well for me.

Considering other terms used in the post e.g backlit, splayed, cream sheet, reverie, I have no problem with "half-empty bed".