Jane stepped inside the house.

[alpacinou]

Is this correct and natural?

Jane stepped inside the house. All the curtains were drawn. Wispy clouds blotted out the midday sun and diffused sunlight splashed through the windows, casting the entire house in a grayish glow.

 

[emsr2d2]

If she's inside the house and all the curtains are drawn, how can she see the clouds? I would reorder the information.

 

[alpacinou]

If she's inside the house and all the curtains are drawn, how can she see the clouds? I would reorder the information.

Sorry. I should've said all the curtains were drawn back.

Is this okay now?

Jane stepped inside the house. All the curtains were drawn back. Wispy clouds blotted out the midday sun and diffused sunlight splashed through the windows, casting the entire house in a grayish glow.

 

[tedmc]

To draw a curtain is to pull it.
Drawn back is still ambiguous. Why not say the curtains are open?

 

[GoesStation]

Wispy clouds can't blot out the sun. They can only dim it a little.

 

[5jj]

Drawn back is still ambiguous.

I don't agree.

 

[tedmc]

I don't agree.

It depends on whether the curtain is open or close to start with, no?

 

[emsr2d2]

It depends on whether the curtain is open or closed to start with, [STRIKE]no[/STRIKE] doesn't it?

No. We use "draw back" (with curtains) only to refer to them going from closed to open.

 

[Tdol]

I think the clouds would need to be more than wispy to do this.

 

[alpacinou]

What about this now?

1. Jane stepped inside the house. All the curtains were drawn back. Clouds drifted in the sky, dimming the midday sun. Diffused sunlight splashed through the windows, casting the entire house in a grayish glow.

2. Jane stepped inside the house. All the curtains were drawn back. Clouds dimmed the midday sun and diffused sunlight splashed through the windows, casting the entire house in a grayish glow.

 

[Tdol]

They're OK.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

What about this now?

1. Jane stepped inside the house. All the curtains were drawn back. Clouds drifted in the sky, dimming the midday sun. Diffused sunlight splashed through the windows, casting the entire house in a grayish glow.

2. Jane stepped inside the house. All the curtains were drawn back. Clouds dimmed the midday sun and diffused sunlight splashed through the windows, casting the entire house in a grayish glow.

Using "grayish" creates a gloomy impression. If that's what you want, use it.

I spy a compound sentence that wants a comma.