Jane staggered out of the kitchen.

[alpacinou]

Is this correct and natural? I'd also like to stylistically improve it if possible.

Jane staggered out of the kitchen. Through her Burgundy-induced haze, she fumbled around the living room for the stereo remote control. She found it on a wooden stand. Picking it up, she pointed it towards the stereo and pressed the ON button. Nothing happened. She kept pressing the button until she realized she'd been holding the remote in the wrong direction. She smiled and flipped the remote and turned the stereo on. An upbeat Katy Perry song drifted from the two big speakers and Jane began moving with the music. She shimmied across her apartment floor, rising her hands in the air and shaking her head. Her ponytail whipped from side to side, stretching the air. She then took off her scrunchie, and gently swayed her head. Her raven her fell to her shoulders, reaching the middle of her back.

Having grown tired after several minutes of dancing, Jane slumped onto the couch. Outside her apartment, a car's indicators flashed, their blinking lights streaming through the frosted window of her apartment, casting a hazy on-and-off orange light on the wall. Jane stumbled towards the window and opened it. A lazy rain was falling down. A breeze blew through the window and sprayed her face. She closed her eyes and let rain touch her face, dust her cheeks.

Jane opened her eyes and scanned the neighborhood. Her gaze drifted from a scrubby empty lot across from her apartment, to a drenched cat curled up beneath a tree, settling on a puddle. Jane stared at raindrops bounce off the water in the puddle.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

Is this correct and natural? I'd also like to stylistically improve it if possible.

Jane staggered out of the kitchen. Through her Burgundy-induced haze, she fumbled around the living room for the stereo remote control. She found it on a wooden stand. Picking it up, she pointed it towards the stereo and pressed the ON button. Nothing happened. She kept pressing the button until she realized she'd been holding the remote in the wrong direction. She smiled and flipped the remote and turned the stereo on. An upbeat Katy Perry song drifted from the two big speakers and Jane began moving with the music. She shimmied across her apartment floor, raising her hands in the air and shaking her head. Her ponytail whipped from side to side, stretching out in the air. She [STRIKE]then[/STRIKE] took off her scrunchie, and gently swayed her head. Her raven hair fell to her shoulders, reaching the middle of her back.

Having grown tired after several minutes of dancing, Jane slumped onto the couch. Outside her apartment, a car's blinkers flashed, their [STRIKE]blinking[/STRIKE] lights streaming through the frosted window of her apartment, casting a hazy on-and-off orange light on the wall. Jane stumbled towards the window and opened it. A lazy rain was falling [STRIKE]down[/STRIKE]. A breeze blew through the window and sprayed her face. She closed her eyes and let rain sprinkle/spatter/mist her cheeks.

Jane opened her eyes and scanned the neighborhood. Her gaze drifted from a scrubby empty lot across from her apartment[STRIKE],[/STRIKE] to a drenched cat curled up beneath a tree. They settled on a puddle. Jane stared at raindrops bouncing on it.

Rain doesn't dust, and cats don't settle in puddles.

 

[alpacinou]

Rain doesn't dust, and cats don't settle in puddles.

"Settle" is for gaze. Her gaze drifted from X to Y, settling to Z. How can I fix it so that it wouldn't be confusing.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

"Settle" is for gaze.

I know. That's why I corrected it.

Her gaze drifted from X to Y, settling to Z. How can I fix it so that it wouldn't be confusing.

See the correction.

Now you know!

 

[alpacinou]

Now you know!

This is how you've edited it Charlie:


Jane opened her eyes and scanned the neighborhood. Her gaze drifted from a scrubby empty lot across from her apartment, to a drenched cat curled up beneath a tree. They settled on a puddle. Jane stared at raindrops bouncing on it.

What does "they" refer to? Was that a typo and is the correct pronoun "it"?

Jane opened her eyes and scanned the neighborhood. Her gaze drifted from a scrubby empty lot across from her apartment, to a drenched cat curled up under a tree. It settled on a puddle. Jane stared at raindrops bouncing on it.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

This is how you've edited it Charlie:


Jane opened her eyes and scanned the neighborhood. Her gaze drifted from a scrubby empty lot across from her apartment, to a drenched cat curled up beneath a tree. They settled on a puddle. Jane stared at raindrops bouncing on it.

What does "they" refer to?

Oops again. I was using it to refer to her eyes. But that won't do, will it?

Was that a typo and is the correct pronoun "it"?

That might still sound like "it" is the cat settling on the puddle. See what you can do to make it more clear that she's looking at the puddle.

Jane opened her eyes and scanned the neighborhood. Her gaze drifted from a scrubby empty lot across from her apartment, to a drenched cat curled up under a tree. It settled on a puddle. Jane stared at raindrops bouncing on it.

On we go!

 

[Tdol]

How about in rather than through for her haze?